I have every reason to believe that you are a positive and friendly person.
This doesn't surprise me at all. Remember though, that it's easier to be more upbeat when our health is at its best because the positive vibes come much more naturally. It's tougher when we're not well because to be more positive and upbeat we have to first overcome so much more (i.e. the symptoms such as low mood, low motivation, poor concentration, exhaustion, anxiety etc.) But this isn't a negative reflection on who we are. Being able to be positive or even being able to pretend to be positive when we're mentally unwell actually shows strength, resilience, persistence, diligence and motivation (all excellent qualities!)
So take note always of the positives and of your achievements however great or small, and allow yourself to have a crap day. Everybody has them!
Your therapist is not going to think any of those negative lies that your inner bully is trying to torment you with. Firstly, they are not true. Secondly, if they think that then they are clearly in the wrong job and probably in need of a few therapy sessions themselves, haha!
They're going to completely understand that you could be experiencing a number of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviours regarding this phonecall. They are there to help you, remember. They actually CHOSE to train in this field to help others.
What if they CAN offer you support?
And if not, I'm sure they will be able to direct you as to where you can access the best form of support for YOU. They're there to help and support you.
Also, you'll be super-mega proud of yourself and totally relieved once you've made the phonecall whatever the outcome.
Let me know how it goes! I have every faith in you and will certainly be thinking of you tomorrow.
You're not a failure whatsoever. Remember what you achieved throughout the online therapy. You can always pick it up as and when if you want to (not because you feel 'I should be doing this!!) I highly recommend face-to-face one-to-one CBT though.
I'm doing alright thanks. My parents are away for the week which is great for them (and also for me!!
) I have coped incredibly well with my meal plan and to meeting all committments.
I feel SO much better not being on supplement drinks and eating actual real human food, haha! I no longer have to lie every day about drinking them so I don't have the horrible excessive guilt and shame and fear! That's decreased significantly with my parents being away, too. I love them to pieces but I'm more independent and feel more free when I'm on my own. I'm going to discuss housing options with my CPN on Monday. She's coming for the 6-8 week check in on me.
I went to MIND today and had an assessment so that I can attend the depression and anxiety structured support groups. I'm going to one on Thursday. They run for two hours twice weekly. Looked good today there.
Just got back from a course on overcoming depression and low mood. It was the third session and the last one is next week. I'm going to a four-week course on ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy this Thursday evening, too.
Did an online anorexia support group last night for the first time in ages. It helped but it's not the same as face-to-face. They have eating disorder support groups online one hour each night so I will pop on that when I've finished my essay to you, hahaha!!
I volunteered at the shop yesterday afternoon. I left early. It's been great in many ways for me and I've stuck it nine months, but I feel I've got everything possible out of it. It's dead, I work alone.... There's only so much re-organising organised stock I can do! Hahaha!! So I'm reeeeeeeeeally hoping I get that job tomorrow. If not, I have an interview and trial at The Body Shop the day after. I just feel I need (and want!!) more now. I'm ready. So fingers and toes crossed for that!
Therapy is continuing to go well. My therapist wants to 'get me back out there!' and has given me 'homework' to find pleasurable, accessible courses and/or clubs that I can and WANT to join.
Mood has been weird. But not bad. Just spaced out. Think it's the meds but I can't be risking coming off them just yet, haha!
So lots going on. Much waffle. Guess I needed to get that out, hey?
All the very best for your phone call tomorrow. Have a good week.
Much love and waffles,