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Yesterday

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andyrawlings
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:45 pm

Yesterday

Postby andyrawlings » Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:18 pm

Hi, I am new to posting on a any blog site not just this one. I have been suffering with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. First it was a thing I couldn't name that helped me out away a lot of drinks and drugs. I found that in doing so I opened up to people as I couldn't otherwise.

Sadly, yesterday I attended the funeral of a friend of mine. She had also been suffering for a long time, but was always so much more open than I can be. Open to the discussions of mental health as well as open to speaking to new people. It has led to many thoughts in my mind of how I can survive as I am, if she could not. I know nothing in this is as black and white as that, but just makes me worry for myself.

Anyway, it has made me feel the need to talk to people. I am having trouble getting more than CBT from MIND, and two lots of that haven't worked. Thought I would try on here. How do people come to terms with things? How do they find the confidence to open up without alcohol or the anonymity that forums offer?

lonelybrokenheart
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:00 am

Re: Yesterday

Postby lonelybrokenheart » Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:39 pm

You just get to a point in life where you just open up. I never use to but because of all my problems, I just got use to opening up. Did it help me? No because the information I told people can be used to destroy me and these so called ex girlfriend and family have caused me a lot of stress. But my problems are huge problems compared to my social anxiety and depression. I am alcohol dependant to do things but I know it is a waste of money and only increases the anxiety when you get the hangover. Does beer help me cope? Defiantly if I'm not in debt and avoid hangover.

j
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 2:23 pm

Re: Yesterday

Postby j » Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:24 pm

Hi this is my first time in this forum or any other,I am 46 ,male,and know I need help but anything in the past I v tried I haven’t stuck with or just wasn’t right for me.So I’ve been self medicating for over 30 years via drink and drugs .i have lost a lot and continue to do so,I mostly work but get sacked from time to time.i find that I need something to look forward to after work and I use drink and drugs which means that I am always hungover or not going to work and then drinking more that day and walking around the park talking to random people about their dog and then avoiding the park as I’m embarrassed for being a rambling drunk.i never liked anyone to think of me as being depressed but I know I am and my actions over the years have isolated me ,I need some kind of a life plan if I am to know some level of content ness,I am sober the last couple of days but haven’t been working ,I find it hard to face people,I have no family ,I live away,and my kids sadly so far away we have drifted apart and lost our bonds and that really kills me and it gets worse day by day ,but I do think it has been good to rite some of this stuff down and here from like minded people about there struggles and what they do because I know I can’t keep going on like this

lonelybrokenheart
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:00 am

Re: Yesterday

Postby lonelybrokenheart » Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:55 pm

j wrote:Hi this is my first time in this forum or any other,I am 46 ,male,and know I need help but anything in the past I v tried I haven’t stuck with or just wasn’t right for me.So I’ve been self medicating for over 30 years via drink and drugs .i have lost a lot and continue to do so,I mostly work but get sacked from time to time.i find that I need something to look forward to after work and I use drink and drugs which means that I am always hungover or not going to work and then drinking more that day and walking around the park talking to random people about their dog and then avoiding the park as I’m embarrassed for being a rambling drunk.i never liked anyone to think of me as being depressed but I know I am and my actions over the years have isolated me ,I need some kind of a life plan if I am to know some level of content ness,I am sober the last couple of days but haven’t been working ,I find it hard to face people,I have no family ,I live away,and my kids sadly so far away we have drifted apart and lost our bonds and that really kills me and it gets worse day by day ,but I do think it has been good to rite some of this stuff down and here from like minded people about there struggles and what they do because I know I can’t keep going on like this


When I know how to come to terms, I'll let you know. My son lived here 6 months (that's his age) and now lives far away. I lost family, dog, girlfriend and son within 2 days. The house is like living in hell and all I have to look forward to is prison. How do I cope? I have no idea. I mostly drink but that doesn't help the anxiety when the hangover kicks in. I mostly spend sleepless nights just watching Netflix and YouTube. I don't know if it gets easier to cope with losing my son, but I hope it does. It's the most painful, breathtaking moment of my life.

j
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 2:23 pm

Re: Yesterday

Postby j » Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:33 pm

Ya I remember the lonely house it was 10 ago in Ireland ,I had 3 boys close together they were with me until the oldest was 7 and a half ,I always had my demons so drink and drugs were always there but I was only ever happy with i my life and my then wife couldn’t be around me any more so we were on a long holiday in Australia and she broke up with me there and I thaught I could move over there but I couldn’t ,I should have done more but I completely let drink and drugs take over my life even more ,I ended up losing the house after coming to uk,it’s nearly 10 years and I’ve cut myself off a hell of a lot from how I’ve bin when drunk and drugged ,I’ve been arrested about 15 times in Ireland and England since they bin gone,I’ve had an alcohol tag for 60 days last year and in the last 3 months I’m on me third job ,I seen my sons nearly two years ago in Australia ,I was there for 3 weeks and I shouldn’t of drank but I did and ended up busting up a wardrobe with my fists at 5 in the morning coz I lost my head with my eldest son who had been giving my middle soma hard time but if I didn’t drink I wouldn’t have done that,so I have to live with more regret over my drinking ,I have a woman the last few years and she’s not far away from her wits end ,I havnt drank in two days and I’m missing it and I’m thinking what I’m going to do to nite ,I’ll have to go for a walk coz I just get restless and bored ,drink has been my cure for everything and it’s been there to turn me into a nutter which further cuts me off maybe I gotta find a sponsor that I can believe in or something

lonelybrokenheart
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:00 am

Re: Yesterday

Postby lonelybrokenheart » Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:38 pm

You should focus on your kids rather than drink. Drink does help but your body soon becomes a anxious mess. Going for walks is a good idea and will help. Did your wife move away with them? You have parental rights that can make them come home. The problem is they live so far. I do know in the UK, mothers aren't allowed to leave the country without the dads consent. Judges also want both parents to be able to have a relationship with the kids. So she wouldn't stand a chance in court. I don't know how it works in Australia though.


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