Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

What is the point

For when you're feeling particularly vulnerable...
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jan 19, 2018 9:20 pm

What is the point

Postby tryingtobepositive » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:13 pm

I try to live my life being polite, kind, helpful, I do not put people down and I am respectful. In my naive head I believe all people should live that way. I have been up and down over the past year due to lots of major changes that have occurred. I do try to be positive and build myself back up and I do succeed. However, a lot of people are thoughtless and due to that cause me to be anxious, angry and worried. I have recently been in a good place but due to thoughtlessness and unreliability I am right back down. I can take some knocks but after a while of one thing after another happening I just cave. I am in a position now of thinking 'no matter how hard I try to be positive and happy, I am fighting a losing battle'. It makes me just want to give in and isolate myself as then I can not be caused any upset. I cannot control other people's actions I know but how can I build up resilience to upset?

Posts: 1632
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: What is the point

Postby andthistoomustpass » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:29 pm


I'm sorry to hear how things are for you right now. You are right, we can't control other adults and unless we are seeking to do them harm then their reactions to us are not our responsibility.

You asked how to gain resilience to upset. The way that helped me was to sit with the upset, not to repress it or wallow in it but to let it wrap itself around me and experience it for what it is, identify the emotions, experience it with a sense of kindness and compassion if you can. This can make you go down before you come up so I wouldn't recommend it without professional support unless you feel strong enough.

Hope that helps.

Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: What is the point

Postby teamn » Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:53 am


Great advice from AndThisTooMP

I way I build up resilience is by each time I'm let down, hurt, angered by another I ltry to not take it out on me, by allowing me to feel sad for too long, or. Anger. I would have the feeling, let it come and then ask myself immediately why am I so sad (or whatever the emotion is) what do I need right now, and then ask why..each time I asked why the basic reason came down to I NEEDED LOVE. So I then would tell myself I love myself in that time, and tell myself really kind and support words, changing the self talk in my head from, yurvsomsad, silly, useless, or friends are crap, etc,,changing any negative words in my head to loving and supportive Ines. recognising that I can't expect anyone to treat me better than I treat myself, and that needed to learn to love myself,

I do this each and every times.

An Example.
Today, I felt lonely, my phone don't ring fir days at a time, such a difference in my life since my daughter has been born,I felt lonely n a little annoyed at my friends, I asked why, because there selfish was the answer, why is that making me lonely?, because they should call me, but they may be busy why are yiu lonely and angry if they are bust,what do you need right now, A HUG, to feel loved and not ignored....

Once I get to the answer I my heart and not my head..of needing love

I then tell myself I love myself, and talk to myself like I am my own best Friend .

This has built my resilience and definitely not made the actions of others have control of my emotions. I have a reaction, which is normal, but with the process Above, I now in control of my emotions

If I had read this before trying it, it would annoy me as something so simplistic and stupid that I would do I'm.. but it's the best thing I've done. Loving myself, I've been doing it now for nearly a year and it' was something quite hard in beginining, to tell myself I love myself n be nice to me. That's when I realised if it weren't natural and was so hard, I realised how much I needed to do I continued , loving ourselves needs to be natural, we all need to care for ourselves like we would care for others or want others to care for us.

I hope this,made sense and hope it may help at some point when your ready to try it. don't put off loving yourself and being a best friend to yourself for one more day.

Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jan 19, 2018 9:20 pm

Re: What is the point

Postby tryingtobepositive » Sun Jul 29, 2018 8:48 pm

Thank you both for your replies. They both suggest people need to care for themselves and be kind to themselves as well as others. It is hard to think the suggestions will have an effect but they make sense and I will definitely give it a go. I believe it is possible to change the way we think although I haven't mastered the art. One thing I do have positivity in is seeking with an open mind ways to achieve a happier more chillaxed way of life and I do try to gain those changes. I am very grateful to you both and will start my mission in achieving what you have achieved this evening.

Posts: 888
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: What is the point

Postby rsxo » Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:41 pm

Hi there,

It can be really hard, but in fact, resilience is being able to get back up on your feet after every knock. It may not be straight away, but realising and accepting what has happened, resolving it as best you can, and progressing, is the way forward. The others have also left great advice, so I don't have much else to add - just keep going and don't give up!x

Much love <3
RSxo <3

Return to “Safe Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 10 guests