so, I'm new and I have a question. I've had a fair deal of trauma in my life, but I think I've coped quite well. Last year I had a depressive episode, and my memory got very bad. I forgot weeks at a time, and honestly couldn't tell you if I had eaten, or seen a friend, or done any work. I've managed to crawl out the pit quite successfully, but now I'm taking better note of my memory.
Although it has vastly improved on many accounts (I can now recall what I've done the past week almost idellically) theres still a few flaws, where sometimes I'll be in the middle of a conversation, or day, and blank. I think that will hopefully get better, but the thing thats really concerning me is my older memories.
If I think back to the traumatic episodes, I've noticed they feel like a dream. In fact, if I didn't have people around me to confirm they'd happened, I would be highly tempted to say they hadn't happened, and they were a figment of my imagination. They just dont feel real, they feel like a fake memory, mainly because there is so little memory there.
I used to think about the traumas a lot, so they were a reinforced memory. Is this something I've effectively lost? My boyfriend suggested I write down whats happened to me, so I dont forget permenantly. Does this actually sound like a good idea? Could I lose these memories permenantly?
I know they didn't make me happy, but they made me who I am. I don't really want to forget those years of my life.
Any help is highly appreciated!