I’ve just joined and never posted on this forum before, I don’t really know how to talk about how I’m feeling, as I just tell everyone I’m fine so I’m not boring them with my troubles and thoughts and I don’t feel like anyone would care.
I suffer with depression and anxiety, I reached for help mid last year as I became suicidal, I felt no need for me to be here anymore, after losing my mum and shutting down, I have got worse over the last 2 years. Feeling lonely has to be one of the worst feelings on top of every other emotion you feel when you’re going through a bad episode. I would never wish any of these feelings on anyone else, because it’s truly awfu and I wish I could take it all away from you all. .
I have no control over my mind, I can drive myself insane over the smallest of things. I find it hard to go out, to open up. It’s even affecting my relationship, as I just do not feel happy. And I feel like he deserves so much better.
I’m only 21 and I’m a big believer in making the most out of life, but feel like I’m contradicting myself massively by feeling this way constantly.
I’ve been on anti depressants for the past 8-9 months, it helped for a while but I feel like I’m going back down hill again. I just feel worthless, unattractive and jealous of true happiness. There’s nothing I love more than helping and hearing other people, but it hurts when I feel like my loved ones wouldn’t want to listen to me or feeling like a burden.
I used to be a positive girl, full of life and so happy, I miss the old me and would do anything to be me again one day. I know so many people know how this feels and connect through it all.
Thankyou for reading, I wish you all the happiness,