How are you?
One of the main things i take from mindfulness is 'being kind to yourself'. When i think back to a time when i had been in counselling and was totally unaware of everything going on in my head, i wrote down a list of my thoughts and worked out that i wouldn't accept these from my enemy, so why do i live with these thoughts every second of the day. I know i am so much kinder to myself- just need to remember and sustain this if things change. I think if struggling you also need to tell yourself it is okay to struggle when you are feeling anxious and that acceptance is harder when anxious. Also watch that word 'should'; i try and ban 'must' and 'should'. I guess it comes back to that inner dialogue we have with ourselves, which i feel i have much less control of when i am not feeling so good.
So, where am i now? I think i am doing pretty good- perhaps i am like a newly qualified driver after a year- i am feeling pretty good and confident but avoid certain areas like roundabouts and motorways- as i worry what would happen if i did go on them. I haven't mastered driving yet. However generally most days are good, i'm still studying and checking back my manuals and driving books, don't know what is around the corner but feeling pretty hopeful. What an analogy! ha ha. Does it make sense? It does in my head!
For me it is to keep in the moment- one day at a time. I am aware that at the moment my general life is very stress free and it is summer- which are positive things for me. I still really worry about "going back" to how i was- either anxiety or depression wise. I am aware i am on the highest strength of meds (but am grateful they are working). I am aware i still avoid things. I hope that i feel better equipped to deal with off days- i do know they are fewer and last for less time. I often feel wobbly. I think my main challenge is still to accept life with mental illness- accept there may be drops and not fear them- as there is definitely fear there.
Cassie is a nice name too. Ha, ha- I go through stages with Millie's name- she has been Mills and Millie-boo. She just makes me smile so much!
Okay, i will let you go now- have a good weekend,