Basically have had the worst day of my life (at work anyway). I am fairly new in my job however in my last meeting with my manager she thinks I'm under-performing and basically not doing as well as she hoped by now.
I just fucking cried. Not because of the feedback from her (I know she only is doing it to help) just because I was so disappointment in myself. Work was my only escape and now things at work are getting worse and worse.
My ex works in the same place as me and is in my line-management (yes I know, stupid move but I honestly thought it was the real thing) and ever since he's split up with me, I just feel the tears pricking in my eyes. I am still desperately in love with him and I feel torn apart.
I told my manager (the one in the meeting with) that I'm sure she felt that she made a wrong move with hiring me, that I'm sure she regrets it and that how I don't value myself. She said to me that she thought I was clever which was very sweet, but let's face it...I am not. I am as average (maybe below-average) as they come. None of my grades or anything are exceeding expectations.
I loathe myself. Honestly, today I have research painless ways to die...the only thing that stops me killing myself is that my family would miss me and I'm a massive wuss.
I need help so desperately.