It's all welling up again, trying so hard to supress it, scared of what I might do again.
Actually think I've been kinds hyper for ages and not realised.
Really HATE myself.
If I took good time to calm down, think about things, TALK AND LISTEN I'd be OK, but I'm a stubborn SOB !!!!!
Counselling ends in a few weeks, not sure it's helping but does put different perspectives on things, not sure I'll cope without it, not been coping alone for AGES.
Just want it all over, can't stand myself any more, made several S attempts just want one final successful one !!,