I have only just joined - so only just read your post - 1st let me say this is the situation I am in so can relate to what you say.
I have been diagnosed with personality disorders for 3 years now ( am 45 now ) and have recently started the process of Autism diagnosis. The 1st step will be simple 10 question form by your GP - then in my area he had to apply for special funding to get a referral for full diagnostics. This is a slow process and am am yet to get the definative answer ( 9 months from GP appt)
The issue is as you hint the crossover between personality disorders and autism - there are many similar things that are making it hard to decide. I would also get a referral to the Mental Health team if I was you - they will help see if you have personality disorders and may help you feel like you can make sense of someone the issues you are having.
I am far from medically trained - but you do describe most of the symptoms and signs that I went to the Mental Health Practitioner with so they are valid and please dont ever feel alone.
Good luck and let me know if I can help or advise further as it seems I am 1 step ahead of you in the process.
Firstly apologises for not replying sooner, it was my intention to but thought I'd wait until the results of my austism assessment.
After numerous tests over many months and finally a formal austism assessment at my local hospital's mental health unit I have been diagnosised as having higher functioning austism, aspergers syndrome.
I was pleased with the result and still am to this day as it helps explain things. It confirms I am different especially in my thinking but I don't try to beat myself up about it. There are times since that I struggle but I am now more aware of triggers and what to look for.
My close family and friends know, as do my work colleagues and they have been very supportive and understanding.
After being given by the Austism Spectrum Assessment Service my results in the form of a report I was also given details of various local groups to contact plus advised of books to read on the subject.
Over christmas I have borrowed four books from my local library and found them to be useful and on my last book to finish off. Prior to the festive period I tried contacting a few local support groups without success as I now wish to meet others diagnosed with the condition.
I will say that one of the main things that struck me going through the assessment process was learning about black and white thinking. This has affected me alot during my life in that things are either right or wrong and caused me problems with relationships and freindships. I hope this is one of the areas I get better at understanding and coping with and feel I am on the start of a journey now.
I do hope you're well Adam and that you have found a favourable outcome from your assessement process in the hope it give you some kind of peace of mind and clarity.
If I can help in anyway let me know, I hope to make more effort in getting back to you more promptly.
All the very best, take care.