Hi, your post has interested me.
I'm diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and suffer from depression. I am at present going through being tested for ADD/ADHD, I have been referred for diagnosis by my GP although I score highly on all online tests and my eldest son also has it so it does look highly probable. I'm just awaiting an appointment date.
I too have done some real soul searching and revisiting moments in my life and like you, it seems I've had this all my life. I'm 51 and ADD/ADHD didn't seem to exist in my youth, nobody had it so how was I supposed to know otherwise? I've gone my whole life without a lack of self control, so easily led and my emotions defy all logic and lead me to do unforgivably rash things. I quit a perfectly good job as my emotions took over that I was being treated badly, when I wasn't (well some of the times I was), now I feel like I don't belong as I don't think properly so how can I survive in the modern working world when I'm scared and not that innovative?
I'm totally disorganised, always lose keys and bank cards, lock myself out and drive myself mad with frustration and worry, I'm scared of my own company. I do get moody, I have so many thoughts darting in and out of my head, I'm always on alert, feel displaced in groups, sleep terribly, find it hard to motivate myself doing difficult tasks. My brain drifts of and I end up doing several other things instead. This is without my feeling of doom every day, where I spend all day alone, mentally beating myself up 24/7 and knowing I've let my family down. Life is hell, I so hope this diagnosis helps, I don't know what else to do
I basically told my GP the above, underwent a mental health triage and then referred for diagnosis, which is at the point I'm at
I know this may seem rambling but I hope some of it may help you and how you feel. You're not alone, I thought I was alone feeling the way I did without knowing why? I really hope this soon may change before it's too late
I hope you are feeling well today