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How to be the one to hold everything together

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jen26
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 15, 2018 2:37 pm

How to be the one to hold everything together

Postby jen26 » Tue May 15, 2018 2:55 pm

I have now had depression/anxiety on and off for the last 12 years, certain things trigger it. Sometimes it seems like there is no trigger it is just there.

I was brought up to believe that no one wants to hear you complain about anything and that emotions should be kept to yourself if they're not happy emotions. So this is the way I have lived for a very long time. I understand the implications of this and how it can make things worse but at the same time, my family look up to me to be the one who is in charge, holds everything together, ensures that our weekly schedule is planned out in regards to after school activities, the walking of dogs and controlling our finances. Trying to organise 2 jobs, a child and 2 dogs whilst getting little support from anyone else is extremely tiresome and is taking a toll on me.

I have been building up the courage to speak to my partner about the way I have been feeling but there has never been a time that felt right. Yesterday, he told me that he thinks he is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do but be there to support him. I now cannot tell him how I am feeling as not only would it put pressure on him but it would also seem that I'm only saying it because he's told me of his depression.

I'm glad that he has had the courage to speak up, I just wish that I had done something sooner.

My questions is how do you cope with a busy working/family life when suffering from depression whilst supporting someone else with depression?

penguin5
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 2:00 pm

Re: How to be the one to hold everything together

Postby penguin5 » Tue May 15, 2018 7:33 pm

Hey jen26!

You saying that it feels as though sometimes there is no trigger is something which you are not alone in - when you go through the same thing repeatedly almost everyday, unfortunately it does seem as though you've just become used to it.

"No one wants to hear you complain" is definitely something which I've heard a lot of growing up, usually amongst older generations because that was what they were brought up with - but luckily now it is more acceptable to talk about how you're feeling so please don't ever feel as though because that's how you've been brought up, that that's how you should carry on! I know it may seem hard to change your mind, and much harder to implicate, but there are many more people now that would be happy to listen (even if it is just on this website). Unfortunately some people don't want to hear about your problems, but if they don't care to listen then to be honest they may not even be worth being in your life during your time of need.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in somewhat accepting defeat, that you can't always be the one holding it down, because then who looks after you? It's lovely that you want to look after your partner and most definitely your child, but you also need to look after yourself too because it may even affect how you look after others if that makes sense?

I've been suffering from depression for about half a year now and only just told my mum. I had also waited for the perfect time when in reality, there is no perfect moment. So although your partner has had the courage to tell you, it's important now that you do also because you could support each other because you can understand what you're both going through - else it really isn't fair on you and your health to continue keeping everything inside. Just explain to him what you've been experiencing, how long for, and how it has effected you - I'm sure he won't think that you're just saying it because he has, if anything, he may even feel proud that his courage has led to yours :)

Wish I could say anything apart from talking to someone, but you may be surprised by how much easier and better it will benefit your life - who better to talk to your partner who can relate! All the best of luck, definitely here for you if you ever need someone to talk to (and not just saying that)! :)

jen26 wrote:I have now had depression/anxiety on and off for the last 12 years, certain things trigger it. Sometimes it seems like there is no trigger it is just there.

I was brought up to believe that no one wants to hear you complain about anything and that emotions should be kept to yourself if they're not happy emotions. So this is the way I have lived for a very long time. I understand the implications of this and how it can make things worse but at the same time, my family look up to me to be the one who is in charge, holds everything together, ensures that our weekly schedule is planned out in regards to after school activities, the walking of dogs and controlling our finances. Trying to organise 2 jobs, a child and 2 dogs whilst getting little support from anyone else is extremely tiresome and is taking a toll on me.

I have been building up the courage to speak to my partner about the way I have been feeling but there has never been a time that felt right. Yesterday, he told me that he thinks he is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do but be there to support him. I now cannot tell him how I am feeling as not only would it put pressure on him but it would also seem that I'm only saying it because he's told me of his depression.

I'm glad that he has had the courage to speak up, I just wish that I had done something sooner.

My questions is how do you cope with a busy working/family life when suffering from depression whilst supporting someone else with depression?


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