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Partners Depression

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Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 11:57 am

Partners Depression

Postby evie93 » Thu May 10, 2018 12:03 pm

Hi all,

New to this, but looking for some help/advice

I've suffered with depression and anxiety for over 8/9 years now, it all started after my dad was arrested for physical and mental child abuse. He also used to attack my mum, since he has been taken out of the picture my mum has been very needy but also passive aggressive.

She compares me and my younger brother to our dad, will completely blank us if we want to go out with friends or partners and takes every occasion to comment on our appearance/weight/job choice etc.

Two years ago I met my partner and we moved in together July last year. Everything has been fine, we have the occasional petty argument but nothing terrible and he's always been a constant support to me.

Last week we had another petty argument, talked it through etc. Then the next day he broke down crying at work and has been referred to a counsellor. Since then he has been very down (understandable). He keeps saying he loves me, is still cuddly, but then also says he doesn't know what he wants. He says his work is very stressful and worries if he can provide for me and a future family. I've told him this morning that he doesn't need to worry about that stuff and just concentrate on himself.

He says he is bored with life as all we do is save to get a mortgage, but we have so much booked his year that he does really have things to look forward to. What worries me is when he says he doesn't know what he wants - in regards to everything - job, us, everything.

I am trying to be a supportive as I can as I know times like this are hard but it's obviously setting my anxiety off. I want to help him but I also feel terrified as I am no longer secure (sounds selfish I know).

I moved from Kent to Essex to rent a place with him, I have two jobs and have started to make friends here now, we also just got a puppy together. If he ultimately decides he doesn't want to continue our relationship I'm going to have to move back to my mums, loose both jobs and everything we have worked for and planned together. I'm extremely lost and don't know what to do......

I have offered to go to couples counselling but he says it isn't us it's him..... he has even stoppped putting kisses on the end of texts, but still remains cuddly.

Any advice for how to help him?


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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:22 pm

Re: Partners Depression

Postby capitalt » Fri May 11, 2018 10:06 am

I can relate to this, situations like this can be very tough.
For me he needs to seek help, he seems to accept he has a problem as he accepts it's him.
I would suggest he visits his GP with the aim of starting medication and perhaps therapy.
When money is tight social lives can collapse adding steps to relationships.
So much in life is little steps, looking at to much can be overwhelming.
Good luck

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Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 2:43 pm

Re: Partners Depression

Postby c.j. » Thu May 17, 2018 4:27 pm

Hope things get sorted for you.

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Re: Partners Depression

Postby mikeveny » Wed Jun 20, 2018 2:57 am

Regarding your mum, see this article on stopping passive-aggressive behavior:
How to Spot and Defuse Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Kind regards,

Mike Veny
Mental Health Keynote Speaker and Author

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