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How do you cope with this

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37yrs
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:02 pm

How do you cope with this

Postby 37yrs » Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:19 pm

I have never used a forum and rarely express my feelings but I feel I need to reach out and understand how others cope.

I am 37 years old, married with two beautiful children, a nice house, a good job...in fact everything I had dreamt I would I have but I am in such a bad place. I have known that I have suffered with depression for some time but felt I was in control but the last six months have continually become worse and worse, this co-insided with me "Opening up" and talking about my issues.

This post comes off the back me spending the last half an hour in tears, I really cannot cope. My head feels like it is going to explode, All the enjoyment of life is simply not there yet I have everything I have ever wanted. I find it hard to explain but I find that if something starts going well it triggers something off in me that wants to sabotage all the good work. I went to the gym and got to the best weight I had been for a very long time but 6 weeks before going away I binged and binged on food, knowing exactly what I was doing but for some reason not being able to stop. There are other examples but I feel weak as it seems like I am trying to destroy everything I hold dear.

I am seriously thinking of leaving my wife as I can't keep putting them through this, I feel like a black cloud that is looming over my lovely family and that I am dragging them all down with me. I am not sure if it would help but I am thinking of moving out for a month to try and beat this by myself.

I find the thought of antidepressants terrifying, I went to a doctors to find out more but they asked very little questions, then took a recruitment call for 15 minutes leaving me there to listen and then prescribed me everything from antidepressants to sleeping tablets. They did not answer my questions around the side effects as I am worried it will impact wrk, the one thing that I must not let go south along with everything else as losing my job would push me over the edge.

Sorry, this feels like I am just talking crap but I just don't know how other cope, are there coping mechanisms that work for you? I am slipping further and deeper into a place that scares the living daylights out of me and any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you

dougie
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 10:15 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby dougie » Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:57 pm

Hello my friend.
That could have been written by me because everything that you said struck a chord with me. It doesn't matter how well things are going you are just waiting for that fall eh? Anxiety stops you from doing things? You seem to push the self distruct button?
I have only just started on this forum about a week ago and I can relate to alot of things on here but one thing stands out for me : you're not alone. Just take a bit of quiet time to think about the fact that we are all in this together, that's what I've started doing. And don't ever give up, even when you're at your wits end. People will surprise you, if you open up, I know it's not really a 'male' thing but look how many famous men are discussing their mental health issues now.
So as I said just remember you're not on your own.
Please post back sometime to say how you are.
Best wishes buddy

gsb
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2018 1:52 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby gsb » Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:40 pm

Hi

Just one thought at the moment - if you're worried about prescribed antidepressants you could try taking St. John's Wort (the herb) instead. It worked for me for years and you can often get it in your local supermarket (I like it from Asda as they come in easy to swallow shaped tablets). Failing supermarkets I'm sure Holland&Barrett would stock it.

All the best
G
"There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild"

dougie
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 10:15 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby dougie » Sun Apr 15, 2018 7:54 pm

Kalms are also a herbal treatment and available in most supermarkets.

37yrs
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:02 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby 37yrs » Tue Apr 17, 2018 8:12 am

I just wanted to thank this site, putting down how I was feeling certainly helped. I am taking myself away for a few days to a Hotel with a gym to try and get back in to a routine with exercise as I have become too apprehensive going to my normal gym. All this with my wife's blessing

I know I have more struggles to come but it means so much having a support arm like this and knowing I am not alone and that others are finding ways to cope.

Thank you

trevelyg
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2018 11:21 am

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby trevelyg » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:40 pm

Hello mate,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. :-) I am 41, developed anxiety (big style), 6 years ago. That feeling is incredible, constant, all consuming. I am not going to say just meditate and it will be alright. It might be, but here is my story (and I work in pharmaceuticals!!).

I am very fit, run, do marathons, have a well paid job, beautiful wife, 2 lovely children (now 9 an 6). What's to worry about right? I had a trapped nerve in my neck in 2012 (probably over exercising again!!), but it went on for 6 months......terrible headaches and the 'not knowing'. Although I built up anxiety throughout it with the 'what if this i forever' etc......after a couple of MRIs, I had the all clear and 'get on with life' after taking a months worth of strong anti inflammatories. However....something went wrong with my brain chemistry and I am sure of that and what a journey ever since. It was when the pain subsided that the anxiety stayed.....'what if it comes back', 'I can't have 2 mnths off work again', 'the children', 'my life'. My GP had dished out Amitryptiline, Propanolol Citalopram....and a few others. What was happening to me!!?? Well eventually, I was so suicidal, the GP dragged my wife in and prescribed Diazepam and Temazepam and told her to lock it away from me and dish out when I needed. Criminal and disgusting.

Anyway, I want to share with you a positive story. I received the right treatment and eventually (with maximum anxiety I can tell you) started taking Venlaflaxine. I dreaded taking anti-depressants, all the stigma (which makes me very angry by the way), but I am proof that you can overcome things and I have had the best 5 years of my life. HOWEVER..........2 weeks ago, after being on such a tiny dose of Venla (20mg), I decided to come off......too quickly and too soon perhaps and I went into meltdown. Not because I suddenly relapsed. I don't believe you can just go from being perfect one day to meltdown the next. It was the withdrawal of not tapering extremely carefully and it evoked memories of 6 years ago, sleepless nights, anxiety.....so here I am today, first day again on 75mg Venla and feeling nervous as I come back on the meds. But I am confident that in the coming weeks, I will have that calmness and clarity of thought i had over the past 5 years. I can honestly say it saved my life. Pills are not for everyone, but when you need them, they can be a fabulous addition to your toolbox in dealing with anxiety. You shouldn't have to live with it constantly. I am a highly anxious person, always have been. I meditate, run, stay fit have a Berocca every morning - but that little pill I have with my porridge every morning is just part of my what works for me and if I stay on it for life, then so be it. I NEVER want to feel that feeling of utter despair and physical anxiety. And I ask 'who am I doing this for?' Bottom line, my children and my wife - not for me.

So as I finish, I have anxiety now....probably from coming back onto the Venla, but it will subside. My biggest issue now is the sleep as I take 1mg Loraz every night (for past few nights) to help me rest. Again, if they help, take them - nothing is forever. I have a plan now, take it each night for 10 days, let the Venla settle me and then come off Loraz. I have been through this before and I will do it again.

Take care, seek help and don't suffer alone.

Cheers,

dougie
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 10:15 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby dougie » Tue Apr 17, 2018 8:00 pm

What an interesting story that is. You are so right, if you need them pills for life then so be it.
I see you touched on the stigma surrounding mental health. It makes me angry too, it's a dreadful illness that causes so much suffering not just to the individual but to those closest to them. I was (and still am) addicted to alcohol but I've Been sober 4 years now thanks to the support of my family and REAL friends. I highlight the REAL because so many people turned there backs on me when I was at my worst,in a way I don't blame them because I was a nightmare, but you realise who really matters when you are at your lowest ebb. And it's those people who I fight this everyday for.
Please keep strong mate .

sarlou
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 9:46 am

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby sarlou » Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:55 am

Hey,
I'm new here also and your post has pretty much echoed my current situation.
As others have said you are definitely not alone. Hope you get the support you need.
Sar

37yrs
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:02 pm

Re: How do you cope with this

Postby 37yrs » Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:23 am

My friend sent me this song, it feels so relevant. It's called "I got you"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hO7hAZNuWqE


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