missymoo wrote:Recently I have found out that when my fiancé distances himself during a bad crisis period he will seek attention in other females. Not sexually but will go to them as they will listen. Obviously these females don’t know his diagnoses. He will tell them how evil I am and a few days later he will regret the whole thing and realise how stupid he has been.
Is this normal? It’s breaking my heart and I can feel myself getting to the point of a bad spell of depression
I really need someone’s help
Not sure if you are still around but I will reply anyway.
I'm not sure whether it is "normal" but I noticed a similar thing with my ex boyfriend. (We split up last night but this time it is final). BPD is very complex and my experience of it is trying to support someone when they continuously hurt you and disregard your feelings. It isn't necessarily intentional but it is very hard.
If it's making you depressed then that isn't a good sign. It might be worth going to see a counsellor if possible (through the NHS, Mind or a local drop in service).
Unfortunately the reality is that if your fiancé isn't seeking help/doesn't see a problem then this behaviour is unlikely to change. It is very difficult to help someone if they don't want to help themselves.
I was determined to make things work with my ex but it just didn't work out and honestly it was really hard and draining. Things may not be the same for you BUT please make sure you think of your own feelings and mental health first/as well as his because honestly it's draining.
I am here if you need to talk x