Hi Sophie, how's the therapy going? Are you feeling any better? What kind of therapy is it? I'm looking to change mine. it got to a point where I don't even want to discuss this with my therapist. I don't want to hear how unrealistic I am etc, that's not really helpful.. I'm going on holiday tomorrow and all the preparations are a pain. I feel this horrible pain in my chest, like if someone sticking a knife in and then ripping me open. At times I just give up, curl up and cry. Everything I have to do (shopping, planning, packing) is a struggle. And I know this emotion won't pass quickly, like many self-help books claim
I can't just 'ride-it-out'. It's like walking around with a broken leg - it hurts af and doing anything is so hard.
I told my bf the next day how bad I felt after the movie, I said 'you were looking at another naked woman..' and he replied 'so what'. I know there can be a "so what" as in 'I'm allowed to have a bit of pleasure, I'm not gay, I like watching women, it's not like I'm cheating' or a "so what" as in 'I couldn't give a shit'. I don't know what's in the guy's head. When I look at women really happy with their partner I want to shout 'what are you happy about? I'm sure you two watch movies and therefore he just enjoyed another woman getting naked, how can you be happy?!'
As far as I can see I got a choice of 1. being single forever 2. finding a life-partner at age of 50-60 (I think men stop being sexual then, lol, and I could trust they're not enjoying naked scenes) 3. FInd asexual partner (problem is I want to have sex
4. find a blind man.
Thanks for reading this. I hope your therapist has some brains and compassion
and will be able to help you