Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

[jill]

PS to all of you who think this is a "phobia" its NOT. Its a MORAL issue and I dont care what anyone says, everyone knows at a base level what is right and wrong.

[sophie94]

How do we get help Jill for this!? I really need it. Its awful. I find daily life really hard.. every day is a worry to whats on the tele , what the next scene is on a film, if the women on page 3 is going to be braless or not. I dont even get excited to go on holiday i get worried about what and who im going to see

[minniemoo]

Annabelle, is your psychotherapist a male? I think you should consider finding a different therapist who may understand you better and take your concerns more seriously. You can’t just stop caring about something you feel strongly about and why should you have to. Your feelings are important. Trying to force yourself not to feel these things will surely make it worse!!!

[sophie94]

Iv felt like seeing a man , because we may get a different veiw on what they think while watching the tele or something. Cos i tend to find that i think i know what my bf is thinking and that they will find the person attractive on tv and what they are looking at. And maybe speaking to a man may help cos not all men want perfect high maintained fake women. A lot of men hopefully prefer natural women and not all tje fake people you get. I just wish it wasnt all women this women that on everything!!, all adverts films newspaper etc its so hard i cant escape it

[minniemoo]

Yes sounds like that might help you xx

[ericayes]

I've suffered so much with this. I am relieved to know I'm not alone. Is there anyway some of us could stay in touch to support eachother? This is taking over my life.

[minniemoo]

Great idea. Be careful about giving out any details online, I’m sure you know that though
You don’t have to sit and watch anything you are not comfortable with. Leave the room, watch something else, read a book.. if you don’t have the sort of guy that will not watch something you don’t like then at least make sure you remove yourself. I don’t read newspapers or magazines anymore because a lot of what’s in there is rubbish. The beauty industry makes a killing out of making us believe that we are not enough without looking fake (but then slamming women who look too fake!)..

[anneb0510]

I literally just made an account here so I could reply to this! This is also affecting my life as well. I think I am blessed that my boyfriend will at least look away from the screen most times if we're watching a movie or TV show and something nasty comes on. He'll look away and I'll tell him when it's over and he looks back at the TV. What's been happening lately though is that I keep seeing that he's watching inappropriate videos / looking at inappropriate posts on social media. I do not understand what social media has become. There's basically porn now on Facebook and Instagram. It makes me sick!! I've seen some of the videos he's watched on Facebook and they literally made me want to throw up. I've gotten obsessed with knowing what he's looking at, or when were apart and I see that he's online I immediately start texting him because I guess my idea is that if he's seeing inappropriate things then maybe getting a message from me will encourage him to stop. I don't know. It's driving me nuts. He also has a lot of gross friends that send him nasty photos and videos ALL THE TIME and when I see that and get bothered by it, he tells me it's not his fault what other people send him. Okay, sure, but do you need to click on it and watch it? It hurts so much because he's constantly telling me he doesn't look at anything and that's just obviously a lie.

Also, he and his sister both love tv and movies. I don't like them nearly as much, partly because of this issue, and partly because I just don't like sitting around in front of a screen for hours every day. But he goes to his sister's house to hang out with her and they sit around watching movies all day and he'll tell me what they're watching and I Google it and of course there are usually sex scenes or nudity in them and I would bet my life he isn't looking away if I'm not there. It drives me crazy! I mean sometimes we're watching a damn football game on ESPN or whatever and the commercials feature bare asses of females.

He doesn't seem to understand why it hurts me. He thinks I'm trying to control him. He keeps telling me to just worry about myself and stop trying to control his life. What the hell? He literally talks about what our kids will be like and what kind of house he wants to have with me and there have been several times where he has actually cried, tears streaming down his face, telling me.how much he loves me and how grateful he is that I'm in his life. And that's the thing, I have no doubt at all that he loves me. He shows me in big ways every day that he loves me. But when it comes to him looking at naked females on a screen he apparently just doesn't give a damn what I feel or how much it hurts me. I am heartbroken over this right now because we just had a huge fight about this and he told me he's never gonna stop looking at these kinds of things if they come up on social media and that if I'm not ok with it then we can't be together

[justausername]

This has been very painful for me as well. It seems clear to me that there must be hundreds of thousands of us who feel this way. Women always talk about how they hate their bodies - judging by how women talk about themselves, plastic surgeries, and blogs like this. Of course we don't see anyone speaking up about it in public - this is mortifying and people shut us down fast - call *us crazy, and intensively shame us becAuse we feel ashamed <-- Which is a downright asinine response. I'm genuinely confused at how they get so defensive about something that doesn't hurt them a lick. If they can't even handle a conversation about someone else's situation... I really can't imAgine how they'd react if they had to live the life that we live. They. would. fall. apart. Just a testament to how effing strong we are for living through this anguish.

We have NO reason to be shamed about speaking up. We've been trained our entire lives that "this is normal.. we should just get over it... don't make a fuss." Well something that hurts this severely is worth making a fuss over. Of goddamned course this is not normal. The natural world does not look like HBO. As for everyone's boyfriends/husbands who can't be bothered to simply believe/care that their S.O. is going through excruciating pain ... truly they are the ones that would actually benefit from going to therapy. Because they can easily help the situation by simply learning to understand you. That is easy if they'd just stop being so ridiculously selfish about it. (But beware psychologists who believe the b.s. about how its fine for women to be made to feel like shit because guys want to do shitty things. That's plain and simply wrong. (Women (if straight) like naked men, too... but we aren't making men feel like shit about their bodies on an extremely regular basis. You can love sex without being a horrible person to others.))

Let me be clear - a lifetime of trauma; of having your self-worth denigrated on a daily basis by an unavoidable onslaught of excruciatingly painful jabs from tv, media, billboards, magazines, movies, facebook ads, shop windows, ad nauseum is most definitely not something that we should feel personally responsible for "just getting over." We're under siege, which is not a good healing environment. Furthermore, this most certainly is not something that we cAn simply "just get over." If only they knew that we are constantly and desperately working to overcome this pain, only to find another HBO show or magazines in the grocery store check out or victoria's secret bilboard pushes us back down. Every. Single. Day. So if these guys want things to change then they'd better get realistic and stop slamming you with more jabs. The trauma cannot and will not end until the attacks end.

So long as your S.O. fails to take responsibility in this, know that you are the one - single handedly - pulling the relationship together, amidst all of the agony that you have to face already. Don't forget how strong that makes you. They have no idea how insane this situation is for us.

[samwamm]

As a man I'd like to appologize on behalf of our sex for our rampant sex habits / desires.

Men like to say that they're superior and / or that women are responsible for keeping the house, making love and raising the children and nothing else.

These ideas come from a long time ago where everyone was farmers and in those days that logic made sense as the men would work to the bleeding knuckles to provide for the family.

They desrves respect because they worked themselves nearly to death to provide for their family and their families knew this and respected them for it.

Nowadays they think that they can work a 9 to 5, get a little tired and take the rest of the day off and have everything come to them.

They don't deserve a reward because they didn't earn it and they think others can't tell the difference.

Sure as a man they are pumped up full of testosterone and need to release so i say it's fine they should enjoy adult material alone where they don't have the additional stress of having to say the right things to people or doing it certain way.

-but that said, that release is nothing but that. Fine you releave yourself whilst fantasizing about impossible things but remember that they are dreams.

You won't get a perfect women as you imagine it because the values that fill your desire contradict with the things that you truly value in a relationship.

Sex is sex and relationship are relationships. Do not confuse the two. They are not intrinsically tied together. If you want a partner, you want someone to talk to and cuddle up to and share your life with, if you want sex there's adult material and yor right hand.

You will not be the lucky one to have both. Good luck with that dilusion.

Sorry if what i said is a little sexist but of course you can change what i say where appropriate and it still makes sense.

This is just how i feel.