Hi Krystal, and welcome.
I'd feel just the same if this kind of thing was happening in my life. I'd think "Aren't I good enough?" I'd wonder why he needed to see this stuff so much. I'm sure he is
enjoying what he sees (because he seems to want more and more of it), and he probably fantasises that he's there with these women himself. Sex in a loving relationship can be seen as a healthy obsession rather than an addiction. But his obsession with porn has led to an addiction - which is unhealthy, especially in a relationship where one partner is addicted and the other feels betrayed and jealous.
It's right to feel betrayed or inadequate, but please don't feel jealous. Your boyfriend, as you say, is not cheating on you with real women, but if he truly loves you I think he should prove it by avoiding this kind of material, because he knows it upsets you. Every time he watches it, he's showing that watching porn comes before your feelings, when it's your feelings that should come first.
I'd agree that what he watches is porn, but it's porn made more 'respectable' by being part of something else. I'm no prude, see nothing wrong in nudity, but I know porn when I see it. If it has no artistic or aesthetic merit or isn't in a naturist context, I'd call it gratuitous porn - intended for sexual titillation. If that's what both partners want and like, fair enough, but it's not for you and he must respect that and put you first - if you really matter to him.
Only yesterday I was talking to a friend who, a couple of years ago, at last thought she'd found the perfect partner. Over time she gradually realised that she'd been naive and impressionable, and that he was constantly leering at young women - and worse. He was over twice your boyfriend's age, and it turns out that he'd always been like that, and had never been able to sustain a genuine loving relationship in his life. His 'love' was all faked, and he faked it well, and solely to obtain sex, and she now feels sexually used and betrayed. I'm not saying your bf's love is fake, but I am saying be careful, for he's not showing much love when he knows his obsessive behaviour upsets you.
krystal18 wrote:I hate feeling this way any tips?
You shouldn't. Your feelings are normal. His behaviour is obsessive, and it's an addiction too - because its having a bad effect on both your lives. I hope this helps x