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Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
peace22
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 10:52 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby peace22 » Thu May 30, 2019 11:24 pm

:) I feel that at times. I don't drink coffee and try and meditate as often as I can. But still have that feeling at times.

Peace22

deb1960
Posts: 1836
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Fri May 31, 2019 8:10 am

Hi andthistoo

I found person centred counseling very helpful. It really helped me find my real voice and find my true feelings

Best wishes
Deb x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Fri May 31, 2019 10:08 pm

Thanks Deb
x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:25 am

Diary Entry

Hmmm,,, This is a tough one, the thoughts are only half formed too but it is important for me to both note it down and be open about it.

I really care for my friends but, particularly with female friends, I fall into an ultimately destructive behaviour pattern where I suppose I seek some form of co-dependency.

I suspect I only feel valued if I feel I am helping. That doesn't mean I am not seeking to help because I genuinely care, I do. It does not devalue the kindness, caring and regard I feel for that friend.

The trap is that I only feel accepted if I am providing that caring role, that I seek that caring role and have trouble feeling close to my female friends when they don't need TLC. I feel like I have been rejected because they don't need me in that way. I am scared to be me around them, I am only able to feel worthy by taking on the caring role.

It has improved massively in recent times, I am finally able to ask for care and consideration back. I am able to show more of me, in addition to the carer. I am also beginning to able to enjoy being with my female friends when they are feeling strong and capable, I am feeling accepted even though I am not needed. I am beginning to feel that my worth to them is not dependent on what I can do for them. It is early days and a long way to go before I have a more balanced approach to close female friends but I am on the right path.

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Jun 08, 2019 3:41 pm

Diary entry addendum

Well, a following thought from my last post was that I have no need to approach every friendship as if I need to bring anything more than myself to the table. This is new. I'm going to give it a practice.

deb1960
Posts: 1836
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:03 am

That sounds promising andthistoo.

Not the same but until I met my first husband at 19, I saw men in a potential. relationship role. There were men who I knew I wouldn't want to date, tbose I was somehow uncomfortable with.and the ones II'fancied' and couldn't speak to. Whilst I was at school I was very frightened of speaking to boys.

Deb x

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Fri Jun 14, 2019 9:55 pm

Hi Deb.

Thanks, sorry it took me a few days to reply. It's weird with me, I am outgoing and sociable, male and female friends. Not really got the social anxiety that most people think of anymore. For instance, yesterday I was on the bus home (perfectly sober) when I saw a stand up comedian I've seen who pretends to be French. I had no problem standing up, opening the window and shouting Oh La Laa! in the middle of the city centre. No anxiety or beating myself up there. I no longer have a problem telling a woman I am interested either. This is something else.... Something weird.

Thanks again for posting.

Byeeeee!

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:54 pm

Dairy entry

Feeling totally drained. Counseling today led to me crying properly, big salty tears, for the first time since I was a kid. Don't know how I feel about that yet but do know that my aim for this therapy was to access more emotions and some self compassion. Looks like it is working :) .

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:58 pm

Diary Entry

I am always looking for human contact and validation of my existence but human contact is also painful and disturbing. I have been fighting the urge to cut people off, to isolate, for a few weeks now. It gives temporary relief from all sorts of emotions and anxieties but I have been down that path before and it led to a much worse place. I have worked really hard to build some friendships and maintain them. I know that if I withdraw now it will be really hard to rebuild later but I've been avoiding friends and social activities and I'm tempted to close social media accounts, delete numbers, email addresses, etc.

I think it is a reaction to the vulnerability of counseling and the set backs in some of my friendships. This life stuff is hard and I don't know if I will ever be able to cope well with being open with others, allowing them in. I really struggle to see a positive outcome to any of it. I know that is my distorted thinking but I can't imagine a garden without imagining a snake. Even though I know this rawness is temporary, I'm tempted just to call it a day. I won't attempt anything but if I had an off switch, I would press it. Trying to let such thoughts pass, put them off until the date I have set myself, almost two years away yet. Trying to remain hopeful, objectively there are lots of reasons for hope, but that is tough right now.


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