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I Walked Out Before He Did

Mental illness recognises no boundaries...
RedSquirrel
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2014 10:21 am
Location: London

I Walked Out Before He Did

Postby RedSquirrel » Sun Aug 02, 2015 11:42 pm

I just had a realignment
I dig your consciousness
I just had a heart opening
And a peak sexual experience
I feel like this is a healing relationship
I want to help you
As much as you help me

I’ll gift you some honey
And an old CD
See there’s nothing in my bank account
I owe every one money
Out of my overdraft and jobseekers allowance
I don’t want a paid job
It’s too much responsibility
So I bury my head in pizza
And preach about raw food
And high vibrations
Whilst I sip beer and smoke weed
My mother passed away
And I had a head injury
That’s why I believe
That this world’s a gift to me

Is this sacred cacao?
There’s some really conscious people
Here in Brighton, but I have to move on
I don’t know why I’m going to Australia
Just to get away from my life I suppose
I can start afresh there
And leave all this behind
I’ve got family I’ve never met
I still don’t know what to say to the sister I grew up with
A shaman in Hawaii said we would all be there together
This is also around the time I got into ‘Angel Therapy’

I’m still coming to terms with my sexuality
I don’t know how to behave in public
Before a few years ago
I never had sex
And now I want to be poly
There’s a different energy
I feel no attachment to you…

Hey bitch that’s when I should’ve realised
That with all you sweetness and light
You had a dick growing between your eyes
And you’re making me sick
I’ve been “travelling” without you
To places I’ve had to go to
But I’ve never run away
I just left home, like you.
I understand that you’re totally alone
In you attitude
Because when I receive love
I feel genuine gratitude
I suppose this is the price I pay
For loving someone who wants to run away
You said you loved me
And thought of me as your “primary partner”
But still that won’t keep you
From being in what you call a long-term relationship
I found out about the string of people
You dragged along
On your narcissistic carpet ride
Of whatthefuck I don’t know,
It’s as if you deny the rest of the world
It’s like you’re so averted to what’s real
You carry trauma and sadness
Buried beneath selfless compliments
And you won’t let out the pain
So you keep burying it
And escaping, afraid of the blame.

You said I deserve someone better
And I know that I do
You said the kindest things to me
Made me forget about gravity
And I thought our connection
Was more than a reflection
Of your self enquiry
I thought that you saw me
But now I know you just held space for me
While you meandered your way through
Our relationship just to test yourself
And see what it would be like
As a taster and a sample
Of being with someone who can bring you ecstasy
But you don’t think that I’m special
And I believe that you’re searching
Constantly, like some lost boy
Wondering as the fool
Who never made it through school

I admit that perhaps there’s controversy
It’s not like we were planning to grow up
And have a family
But still you made out we were working out well and fine
We spent hours together and showers forever
And you were prepared to walk out
Just as if it didn’t matter
That this love wasn’t worth staying around for
You’d rather close the door on the deepest levels of intimacy
It’s too raw, and unknown there,
Well - they’re the places you probably need to explore
Not some continent far away from everyone you know
It’s like rewinding the clock for you
So you don’t have to face those challenges inside
You can focus on the external
Until again you fall behind
And wonder what’s crumbling within
Well then maybe you can move to Asia or America
And repeat it all again
By then you might be spent.

Empty words and energy
That’s all you filled me with
Unicorn farts and shitty glitter
You’ve got no heart
And my ex boyfriend was fitter
He carried a hammer
And his heart on his sleeve
But you my friend are dark
Art and vegan cheese.

lowinmood
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2015 8:35 am

Re: I Walked Out Before He Did

Postby lowinmood » Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:46 am

wow, I had to read this twice, I wish I could write poems and express myself as deeply as this


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