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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:19 pm

Christmas and New year are going to be horrible. I'm going to message her tonight just to wish her a good Christmas and New year. I don't expect a response.

For Christmas I'm just going to concentrate on my daughter (she's only 2 and a half so this is the first one she really knows what's going on) spending time with friends etc basically.occupying my mind.

I hope you both manage to have some good times over the next few weeks. Stay strong. We haven't done anything wrong, remember that. X

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:42 pm

Focusing on your daughter sounds like a very good plan. At her age she will be full of wonder, excitement and chat which is bound to be catching (I hope). My kids are teens, cranky and fighting :?
Stay strong, I hope she reponds to your message xx

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Sat Dec 23, 2017 7:34 pm

Ariane it really isn’t easy. I would respond if you want to, I guess eventually you will get to a point where his messages don’t have an effect on you. But it takes time. My heart races when I see my ex online on whatsapp - I almost break out in a sweat because it makes me so anxious. And yes we are making excuses for them because we care for them but at the same time, we also have to remember our self worth - they are not the be all and end all (as hard as it is for me to say this with tears in my eyes). My ex hasn't contacted me at all, and I don’t think he will. I almsot feel like he is fine without me. I am secretly hoping that he will send me a text on Christmas - but don’t think it will happeb :( Dreading it.... x

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Sat Dec 23, 2017 7:37 pm

I hope she replies James and yes you should focus on your daughter.

We also have to remember that we are loved - even though right now I feel lonely xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 11:58 am

Well as expected, she's read the message last night and has been online this morning but no response. I thought she wouldn't, but I had hoped for a "you too, merry christmas" type response at least. Still time for her to respond I Guess, but I'm.not holding my breathe.

I'm fairly resigned to it all now, which is helping me feel less upset on a day to day basis, but there are still so many things I just don't understand. The way she told me she felt about me, and how she'd liked me for a long long time (we've known each other for almost 10 years) compared to her apparent indifference just a few short weeks later. And also she's always been a very caring person, often putting the needs of others far above her own. She knows this Christmas is always going to be hard for me- I lost my fiancee (my daughter's mum) to leukemia in January (I think this was another stress factor for her in our relationship, I don't think it's easy being in a relationship with a widow/widower although I tried to always be careful around that issue) Looking back, because we both had come from quite dark events at the start of the year maybe we just went headlong into the relationship without really talking over some of the issues that we should have been open and honest with each other about.

I miss my partner in crime. I miss my friend. And I miss the hope our relationship gave me. I'm sad she didn't or couldn't see what we could have done for each other amd been for each other. Because we weren't together long I know I can move on. It just feels like we've been cheated out of something potentially great by her illness. Ive been in enpugh relationships to know the sogns when someone is 'right', and she definitely was.

Life huh? What a ****

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sun Dec 24, 2017 4:23 pm

Hi James, she has not blocked you on the messaging app. I would take comfort in this. She is reading you, take comfort in this too. She could have blocked you but she didn’t, she could leave the messages sitting there without reading them but she doesn’t... I would chose to believe that she wants your contact but is unable to reciprocate at this moment in time.

I am so sorry the time is also close to your fiancées anniversary. Focus on your daughter, make a conscious effort to do this as she will bring you the joy that you deserve on this day. Had you planned to spend Xmas with your ex? If not then the day itself will not be much different to what you had planned so focus on what you had planned. I hope today have family with you. I hope that after Xmas things will become clearer for her and you. I am clinging onto this hope in my situation too.

Be strong for your daughter, she deserves it. This is the first Xmas without her Mammy but she is very lucky because she has a daddy that no doubt loves her to the moon and back.

Stay strong, big hugs x

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 7:36 pm

It's the hope that kills you doesn't it? Thank you for your kind words, and interesting points I wasn't thinking . It's really helpful to know other people are going through similar stuff and hearing about it, makes me feel like I'm not just making it up! Although I wish you weren't going th it!

Have a great day tomorrow x

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:06 pm

Happy Christmas both. Hope you’re having a lovely day.

I’m hurting, can see him online and thought he woukd wish me a happy Christmas. He didn’t. I shouldn’t be bothered by it because why do I want to hear from someone who clearly doesn’t care about me? It is just so sad. I really don’t know this man that he has become. I already cried this morning. Hope to make it without tears for the rest of the day. Xx

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:47 pm

I actually got a message today. Not a response to my Merr christmas message but I sent another message earlier today as I knew she was on her own this afternoon after her kids went to her ex husbands so I messaged her to say hope she had a nice day yesterday and will have one tomorrow with her family as I realised today would be hard. She text back complaining she was on her own and hadn't had any presents....almost said well that didn't need to be have been the case! Held my tongue though.

Stay strong. Although I think it's ok to cry really x

liveahappylife
Posts: 47
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby liveahappylife » Mon Dec 25, 2017 9:55 pm

Glad you held your tongue - cheeky of her to complain (especialy as you say that it could he avoided)! Hope you have had a good day nonetheless - we are loved and we must not forget this.

I haven’t got a message from him...I can still see him online - anyway, I have accepted the fact that he will not contact me.
i just can’t wait to feel better. Would much rather be with someone who values me xx


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