Yes i understand that fear of fear thought process.
I have been seen by crisis and home treatment teams many times.
I always say i feel i am the worst i have ever been, because i truly feel that. They answer by saying everyone feels that way when they are stuck in that spiralling black hole.
It is something that they hear daily.
Every time seems like the worst. The bottom of that black fear and doom is a scary place. It is difficult to see a way out, and having a professional to guide me helps me through until i feel strong enough to hold my head up again.
I know you aren't lucky enough to have professional support when you need it, but i hope my words help you see things more positively.
Take it minute by minute, hour by hour. It will pass xx