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Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

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Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby wendyone » Mon Apr 15, 2019 11:16 am

My 46 yr old son has become homeless after splitting up with his partner,7 months ago he came to sleep on my floor and has been doing so ever since. I live in a rented 1 bed flat and am still recovering from breast cancer treatment. 50% of the time we get on reasonably well but he has had mental health issues caused by alcahol ,canabis and a road traffic accident where he hit his head.
He does not accept that his problems are caused by canabis and continues to use it at varying strengths.
Yesterday was bad ,I knew it would be when he started twisting the things I was saying so he could deliberately say hurtful things about his brother and sister and thier families. Evidently they are square! but they are also hypocrits as they can enjoy a glass of wine but no-one says they are mental or drunks.
He was on the phone to his ex by 11 last night shouting. I was in bed and made the mistake of asking him to keep the noise down. Oh I am going to cut my efing tongue out cos nobody wants to listen to me anyway.Then he went into the garden and starts shouting and punching the fire escape stairs which rang out like the Bow bells! in he came and slammed through the flat ...every door banged as loud as he could.I sat on my bed and he came into my bedroom to tell me just how bad his life has been for the last 45 years and how he blames the dad that walked out when he was 3. Throughout all this his language was disgusting and he showed no sign that he cared if he was upsetting me or not.(eg;so he f**** my mum and then the c*** just goes... never to contact me again)
1.30am he's on the phone to his son.2.30am he has the front door open , the back door open and I make the same mistake as before by asking him to please be a bit quieter. I am not sure what was happening but My son was not answering the telephone to my grandson so the phone had rung 3 times within 10 mins which was another reason that I got up. I am so scared that I will lose this home because of my sons behaviour.He doesn't care and I can't take much more, but I don't know what to do. I asked why he wasn.t answering the phone and he thrust it at me and said "you tell him to stop ringing then" at which point I took the phone and explained that Dad wasn't answering the phone so please could he ring tomorrow.
I spent the next 2 hours listening to a tirade of how I nag all the time how my son is unable to speak to his son whenever he wants how I am nothing and how he would rather live in a tent than spend another night in this place.Evidently I took the phone from him which is complete poppycock but he had convinced himself that his version was correct.He often talks of not wanting to wake up the next day but he has a religious belief that has so far prevented him from crossing that line.
Without dragging this on, I woke up at 9.30 this morning having finally got to sleep at5.30 am. My other son had come round to pick up some Lavetera plants to take to his sisters but when he got here my front door was wide open and there was my eldest sons smoking kit on top of the wall,
I just said that I had had a rough time with his brother and asked him to leave it at that.
I love my eldest son and make sure that he knows that but he is so horrible to me when he gets into one of these episodes. He is no longer registered with a doctor and he does not have any photo id to be able to register round here. I don't know where to turn,He did try to get help before but they treated him so strangely,they actually locked him in a room while they asked his partner if he was ever violent towards her.Now he will not contemplate it.
Please if anyone has any idea about what our next steps should be please tell me.

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Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2019 1:48 pm

Re: Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby rab » Mon Apr 15, 2019 3:13 pm

Hi Wendy,

This sounds like an incredibly difficult night for you and undoubtedly very hurtful.
I can imagine it being all the more wearing after such little sleep too so soon after an op.

On reading your predicament my first instinct was to talk about your eldest sons mental health. Cannabis use asside for a moment, an unstable living situation and relationship issues will be big triggers for anyone, let alone someone with a history of anxiety, depression or mood disorders.
I can only imagine how difficult it may have been for him as a 46 year old man to admit to needing help from his own mother too.

It sounds as though he's still trying to understand life without his biological father in the picture, Speaking from my own experience- I spent alot of my childhood being very angry at my mum, I had lots of questions but didn't know how to ask them and instead lashed out and closed myself off emotionally.

With regards to his accident, did he recieve any treatment -psychological or otherwise- during his recovery? Or did you as a family receive any information or advice on behavioural changes, mood swings or psychological issues?

Alcohol and cannabis use will be a huge catalyst for the above mental health problems to spiral further downward, often leading to such emotional and depressive episodes.

I would approach this from a mental health stance and only after this discuss his drug and alcohol intake with experts, you may find that assessing the former helps conquer the latter.

Is he sober during the day? If so I would recommend beginning to calmly talk to him about this, if he's not willing to talk give him space and try again a while later.

I'd advise trying to find help or advice via here - ... eone-else/

I'm sorry you're battling all of this so soon after treatment too, I hope you're on the mend and that the above is helpful in some way.

All the best,

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Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2019 9:50 am

Re: Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby wendyone » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:55 am

Thank you for answering my post so quickly.
In answer to your question about help after his accident ,he was not living anywhere near me at the time and I dont believe he was given any advice at all,certainly none that could indicate changes or help us to help him.He is sober during the day usually but as much as he says that he will do anything to try and rebuild his life he has no trust in anyone and trying to get him to even take the first steps seems impossible. We have in the past managed to have some of those difficult conversations you were talking about but part of his problem (in fact a MAJOR part of his problem is memory loss and information retention) so those conversations have to be repeated, but of course they can always be remembered in a twisted unpredictable and outright wrong way..
Where he was living it was difficult to access GP services (1GP covering 2 villages) and the hospitals were miles apart with truely awful public transport links. My son does not drive and whilst he made the effort to attend appointments it apparantly did him no good and when he missed one appointment he was refered back to his doctor who was less (much less) than sympathetic,probably due to overwork and stress on his part.
I will go to the MIND site later and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate a practical answer to begin sorting through this maze of emotions and paperwork and questions etc.
My son spent most of yesterday crying and telling me how worthless he is and how ashamed he feels about his binge drinking. I of course refuted the worthless comments but where do I begin to help rebuild his self esteem.
When he split up with his partner he literally lost everything. They lived in rented accomodation so now he has no home,He threw away most of his clothes because he said they were old rubbish that didn't fit and they made him feel worse (most of this was true as he has been unemployed for years and he never did replace his old stuff). Evidently everything that was given to him for birthdays or christmas was wrong ,uncomfortable, did not fit and made hime look stupid.So that all went as well. He has a small box with a few photos in it but he said that he doesn't remember them being taken and it may as well be a stranger with him as his son when he was small.
Oh well...onward and upwards, thank you so much for your help
Best Regards

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Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2019 4:13 pm

Re: Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby mrbrown » Tue Apr 23, 2019 6:28 pm

Hi Wendy, this may not be something you want to hear but you need to think about your own health and wellbeing first and foremost. I know hes your son and you love him, i know as a mother you always want to do right by him and help him, i also know that the cannabis use is his own choice and if that choice is causing the behavioral problems then the problems are of his own creation. As to where to turn or what to do i think if that happened and a neighbour or someone on the same street/building rang the police he would most certainly be detained for assessment, perhaps try to get that through to him. It must be extremely difficult for you at the moment especially, i hope your rfecovery goes well and you get better soon. Regards

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Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:15 am

Re: Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby 3-pink-socks » Wed Jul 24, 2019 3:46 am

Hi Wendy

I hope you've managed to access at least some of the help you need. I can partially relate to your predicament, and certainly empathise. thank you for sharing your experience.

all the best to you and kind regards

Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2019 9:50 am

Re: Homeless son with severe mental health problems.

Postby wendyone » Wed Oct 09, 2019 4:18 pm

Thank you for your empathy ,
but here I am months down the line and sod all has changed. I still cannot get him to trust the NHS in general . He was told more than a year ago that he needed an urgent operation on his mouth and jaw, twice he has had pre-op telephone conversations and twice he's been told that the op would happen ASAP, but twice he was told tthe pre ops have expired. Now two weeks ago he was not at home to take thier latest call [3rd]...but I had informed the hospital and left a new telephone munber where he could be reached for assessment ,They still rang here so I gave the polite lady the different number again which she said she would call . Guess what.... no call!. After the first 10 day break from each other he is back on the floor again and we are back at square 1.Heaven only knows how this will be resolved because I am in tears yet again and still don't have a clue.Anyone got any PRACTICAL ideas please.

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