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Should I remain friends with my depressed/anxious ex?

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Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:40 pm

Should I remain friends with my depressed/anxious ex?

Postby kat25 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:52 pm

We dated for 3 months - I know that isn't long, but the connection was meaningful and genuine for both of us. 2 1/2 months in, as the physical side of the relationship progressed, things broke down. He was triggered during sex & told me he was abused as a child (I was the first person he had ever told). Afterwards he said he'd like to take things slowly physically, which I was happy with - but things broke down after that.

He admitted he was in therapy for depression as he had just remembered the abuse 7 months before we met. He was experiencing PTSD symptoms, would sometimes have panic attacks & struggled with personal hygiene on some days. But we were falling in love & I stuck by him although I know he felt embarrassed when I saw him in a state sometimes. Finally he pushed me away so much that I wasn't able to continue as things were. I felt I was being vulnerable & I never knew if I was coming or going. He said he didn't know he could commit to a serious relationship right now & asked if we could 'be friends' for now.

I was hurt, but I agreed. For 2 months we've been 'friends'. He calls often, initiates meeting often, brings me gifts - but it's not always simple. Example: he invited me to the theatre last week. While we were there a woman approached him & basically jumped into his arms she was so pleased to see him. Turns out they had just met through an anxiety & depression support group 2 weeks earlier. The way he interacted with her reminded me of our early flirtatious interactions - it HURT to watch this. So much. She asked if he wanted to go for a drink & he said no, he was leaving with me - and so we left. But I went home and cried as I thought of him moving on with someone else.

But now I'm thinking the 'friends' thing doesn't work after all. We had a passionate relationship while we were together - not being able to kiss him or hold his hand doesn't quite feel 'normal'. But I also recognise his limitations right now. He is a good & sensitive soul, who cares for me & supports me. I am afraid to lose him, but I am also not sure if I can continue with this right now. What do you all think?

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Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Should I remain friends with my depressed/anxious ex?

Postby robin71 » Wed Feb 13, 2019 8:12 pm

It's a tough one,
If you want to be more then just friends then I guess you have to tell him.

But also understand that he has boundaries that you may have to learn how to accommodate. Hopefully with therapy he can learn to be more comfortable. But I suspect it will be slow. But ironically it may broaden your horizons as you seek to find activities you are both comfortable with.

Also your feelings about mh episodes will become more stable, it's normal to react strongly when first enountering it.

Good luck

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Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2019 4:19 pm

Re: Should I remain friends with my depressed/anxious ex?

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