I really don’t know where to start. I’ve been feeling down and depressed for years and tried to seek help and never really got anywhere. I’ve been to my GP on several occasions where I got a round of CBT, which didn’t help. I was given medication which I didn’t want, because I feel that I just need talking therapy. The area in which I live doesn’t offer counselling on the NHS (so I’ve been told by a couple of GPs). I was willing to pay for this privately, but no therapists in my area have any available appointments. So I’m a bit stuck.
I’ve always been stuck in the cycle of having a breakdown and a bit of a mental crisis for a few days, and then doing the “pull your socks up, stiff upper lip” act, until a few weeks later when the cycle starts again.
I don’t have any friends to talk to, I’ve been alienated by my family, and I don’t have a partner that I can talk to either. I only work with a couple of people, and they’re not the type of people I would trust. So this leaves me isolated and rather lonely. I work all the hours I can to try and save money, so this doesn’t really leave me with a lot of time to find a hobby and make friends. I’ve actually become quite accustom to being on my own, but I get moments where I just crave some human interaction.
I’ve had more than my fair share of issues, and traumatic events to deal with, which has lead me to being in this state. I’ve always just swept the issues under the carpet, and buried my head in the sand, which meant I have never processed these events in a healthy way, and had closure. Which is why I’m always stuck in this vicious cycle. But I really don’t know what else I can do, I’ve tried to get help, but it’s either not available, or not suitable for me.
I just really need help and I don’t know what I can do. The last GP I seen, just made me out to be a hormonal, hysterical woman, without even asking me what had happened. I can’t even remember the last time someone asked if I was okay. I’m just tired of putting on a brave face for everyone, and finding myself sobbing behind closed doors. I’ve tried to reach out to my family and try and rebuild bridges, but it never works. I’m running out of ideas now.