BPD help

[millym]

Hi there, I was recently told by someone I trust that they strongly suspected I had BPD - I looked up the criteria and definitely fit it. The only symptom I don't have is being impulsive. I have really struggled with this ever since as when I used to blame the world for not being good enough, and people for not loving me enough, I now realise this chronic emptiness is all me and my extreme sad reactions to things only has myself, rather than the event to blame. I'm not sure I can live with this. I've had lots of therapy for depression and anxiety in the past, and have been working hard on challenging my thoughts, taking care of myself, treating myself like a friend, mindfulness, breathing etc... but life just hurts so bad. Is there anything I can do to feel better? Can any one help me? Thank you so much

[andthistoomustpass]

Hiya

BPD is a tough one. First thing I would do is try for the specific therapy developed for it. Are you in touch with the local Mental Health Trust, can you self refer or get your Dr to refer you?

You'll see a fair bit of nonsense online about BPD. I hope you remember that, even if you are diagnosed, diagnosis is a description of symptoms, not a description of the person.

Take care.

[millym]

Hi there Thank you so much for responding - been an evening of crisis and can't get through to the crisis line, and long waits on the Samaritans make me feel guilty staying on the line - so your response means a lot. Yes, I'm on the waiting list for schema therapy, but the waiting list is one year. I think I may need to pay to go private as need help urgently, but its hard to even know where to start with this. Appreciated what you say about diagnosis - it's just hard to see now since the diagnosis what is a 'symptom' and what is me. Or maybe all I am is an illness.

[andthistoomustpass]

"Or maybe all I am is an illness"

That's a question I've asked myself and the answer is a HUGE no!
As you learn how to face this stuff and how to live with it, you will learn how to make choices and take actions because you want to, not because you are following an ingrained pattern. Whether you are dealing with a personality disorder or not, well done for choosing to deal with it. I hope you can find it within yourself to look forward to getting to know the person you will become.

[maisi]

Hiya,

I don't understand this conversation as well as you two, but can say that going private feels much safer in some ways than going NHS. It is expensive, but there are some ways of finding funding and getting good help. I've looked for reputable private organisations who offer sliding scale fees, and have found that they do the same thing as each other, which is taking you as a person, your experiences, and current problems, and empower you to understand and manage/change. I've got a limited understanding, but feel that psychotherapy is v good for complex situations.

Anyway, keep an open mind x

[maisi]

And I only found this out because the NHS route was a v hard one with nonsense waiting times in a crisis

[cookiemonster]

I am having private therapy (not for bpd). I have made this choice because I didn’t want to wait for nhs. I’d suggest specialist help and maybe a support group to find others to build your confidence and to provide advice from those that understand best.