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My depressed boyfriend ended our relationship

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My depressed boyfriend ended our relationship

Postby brokengirl » Wed Aug 08, 2018 4:34 pm

Hello, I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a wonderful man. He was diagnosed with depression last year and was off work for 6 months during which time he got help and started on medication, he was very emotional and suicidal and I was there for him every step of the way. There have been various increases/changes to his medication over the past 12 months but he has nevertheless continued to be a fantastic and loving boyfriend. Six weeks ago he increased his medication again and started crippling insomnia. Due to this we haven't seen as much of each other as usual and he has been very anxious that I will get fed up and leave him which I never would.

For the past week I sensed that he was becoming distant and whilst we spoke every day a couple of times a day (usually initiated by him - I didn't want to put pressure on him to chat) I just felt that something was wrong. I did see him a few days before he ended our relationship - he wanted to come over because he "missed me". He had no sleep over the weekend and when we spoke on Sunday he told me that perhaps he shouldn't be in a relationship because he didn't want to keep hurting me (he doesn't 'keep' hurting me) and that I deserved better. he said that he has lost the ability to "feel", he feels nothing for anyone or anything (this is so out of character), that he cant give me love because he doesn't have any emotion anymore and thinks this maybe due to the medication and insomnia, that I should be with someone who can treat me the way I deserve to be treated, that he has no interest in seeing me and just wants to be "by myself, in my own little bubble and not have to think about anyone other than me". I asked him is it over for good and he said that he wouldn't be deleting my number and asked would I be deleting his (Of course I wouldn't) and reiterated that it wasn't me, it was him but he couldn't give me what he wanted to give me and didn't want to "string me along". He text 4 hours later to say that he hoped I was ok. I didn't reply because I was in such a state and I have heard nothing more from him. I haven't contacted him but I really do want to.

He doesn't have a mean bone in his body so I know this wasn't done maliciously and this is so unlike him as he has always told me that he would never leave me and would fight until his last breath for me if he ever had to. I also don't understand why, if he is emotionally numb that he was able to be clear and rational just 5 days ago and tell me that he loved me deeply and I was his world and that he would always be there for me. We haven't had a day go by without seeing each other/phoning/texting since we met. This silence is deafening me. I don't know whether I should contact him and if so, what do I say? I just don't understand any of this. Can anybody help me to understand.
Last edited by brokengirl on Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:00 am

Re: My depressed boyfriend ended our relationship

Postby lonelybrokenheart » Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:49 pm

That's relationships for you. You feel they would never leave and then bam.. They go from loving you to a distant person that acts like they don't care. We are left going out of our minds wondering what happened, what did we do wrong, what what what? I'm kinda in the same boat. I had a extremely supportive girlfriend that I thought would fight and support me through my problems. She was my rock and the best girl I've come across. The days later she changed to the point where I don't know her. I found out shes been lying behind my back, making me look a monster to social services and so on. I can't believe it. I wish I could tell you what's going through your boyfriends mind, but nobody will ever know. Love can die instantly these days. :(

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Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: My depressed boyfriend ended our relationship

Postby andthistoomustpass » Wed Aug 08, 2018 9:22 pm


What you have described isn't unusual with depression, you feel you are unloveable and unworthy of those around you, that you are dragging them down and the best thing you can do for them is to leave. Seeking reassurance that you wouldn't delete his number is a good sign.

It has to be your decision but if you want to work at this then perhaps be there for him, show him you are in this together, his mood will shift.

Good luck!

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