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I'm not sure this is the right group for me

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abbyjervis
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:40 am

I'm not sure this is the right group for me

Postby abbyjervis » Sun Jul 29, 2018 12:10 pm

Hi everyone, I'm not sure that is this the right group for me but I really don't know where to turn for help and advise.
For the last two years my partner has been emotionally and physically abusive. He has been to the doctors who just say he suffers with anxiety, pop 100mg of sertraline a day and your be fine. Thing is he is not fine, far from it.
The only thing the tablets have done is stopped him from hitting me and smashing up our home as much as he did, but I still have to live with daily insults, threats and an emotional beating that has really taken its toll.
I'm accused of stealing his money if he's spent it all and say he can't have more for things, I work in a shop so I'm accused of cheating as I have to interact with men, I'm told that I'm a fat, lazy useless whore who deserves the physical and mental attacks I get and he has convinced himself that everything I say is a lie so I can't be trusted.
I'm not looking for people to tell me to get out, I've tried that. The police won't help unless he's in one of his rages but when he is he takes all phones off me and traps my in a room so I can't get help. What I need is help with coping with it, I have nobody to talk to, his family are fed up of it and refuse to help, his doctor says i just need to listen to him until he calms down but I literally have no escape.
What do other peoples family and friends do to cope with it all?
I really need help with strategies and advise as I'm broken. I try so hard to just take it in my stride but I'm a already dealing with the loss of my dad, who I nursed for 3yrs, 6months ago, working 40hrs and trying to run a home me making sure the bills are paid. My ibs and diverticulitis are also playing up with the stress and not being able to buy the proper food I need to help manage it as he wastes all the money on himself.
Please help me, somebody, anybody.
I'm sorry if I offended people on here by reaching out to you when it's not me as such suffering with mental health issues I just don't know what to do
Thank you

37yrs
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 2:02 pm

Re: I'm not sure this is the right group for me

Postby 37yrs » Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:58 am

I think you need to do more than cope with this, I think you need to find the strength to end this. There is a limit to what mental health should do and your partner seems to simply be abusive, if you do not put yourself first then you too will suffer mentally as well as physically.

My issues include being snappy and sometimes horrible in what I say, I have personally taken myself away and live somewhere else when it all gets too much, but there is a line and it looks like your partner is constantly on the wrong side of this.

Please put yourself first in this case, abuse is unacceptable and the fact that he is "At least not hitting me" is not a way to live your life. Be strong, put yourself 1st and get yourself out of there

Love to you x

c-lo
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:38 am

Re: I'm not sure this is the right group for me

Postby c-lo » Mon Jul 30, 2018 9:07 am

Hi,

I am sorry to read that your life is so difficult at the moment, but you have done the right thing by having the courage to reach out for help.

I know you say you are looking for ways to cope with your situation, but I totally agree with the previous post. The fact that you're looking for strategies to cope, shows how normal this behaviour has become in your life. It's not normal, the level of domestic abuse you are experiencing in absolutely unacceptable.

Maybe you could try contacting an organization such as www.refuge.org.uk or speak to your local citizens advice bureau, who could put you in contact with local agencies who offer support.

There is a room here for family, friends and carers, which may offer a different perspective on your current situation, but I can't imagine you would be advised to stay in it.

I hope things get better for you soon and please keep posting.


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