Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

[ariane]

Hi all,

James so glad to read you doing so much better.
Lillie, pleased to read the court case outcome was good.

As for me, I don't know whether my guy picked up his meds or not. He was not really texting yesterday and when I rang him after work as I have been doing steadily for the last month (albeit a little later than usual yesterday) he did not pick up the call. I texted him instead asking him to ring me when he was free to which he responded about 30min later that he was a bit busy and would talk to me later. That was grand although i question whether "busy" was actually being in the pub drinking. Fast forward 4 hrs with no contact from him and I went to bed determined not to be texting him. He eventually did text apologising and saying that it had been a bad day. I responded fine, good night. I was quite annoyed because (and this goes back to thinking the worst) i was wondering whether his lack of responsiveness was because i told him i loved him the night before and he did not respond (although he did say it back to me a few times in recent weeks)
This morning i questioned my behaviour so messaged him saying sorry for the short answer the night before, that i was a bit annoyed and that i hoped that today would be better. He's read the message not responded but been on facebook on and off all morning
I am really nervous that he is about to withdraw from me again, I don't think I could take it if he did after the progress we have made the last few weeks. The fact that i cannot see him this weekend is also playing on my mind as if he's going downhill i'd want to be there to bring him back up. I seem to be one of the only persons he can be fully open with. Again i am questioning myself, something that I was no longer doing... One thing is for sure, i will no longer play down my emotions, if i am annoyed i will say so

Edit: I was getting myself worked up over the lack of response, which is very unusual nowadays so i messaged him again asking if we were ok and that it seemed reminiscent of a few months ago when he would not respond to me. He just said he had been busy. I am still feeling uneasy and hope that he answers my call later

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

Hopefully this is just a blip caused by missing his meds. I understand how you feel though because I’ve beem there many times too. Sometimes my guy would go silent for days and I only stopped worrying about him when I could see he was reading my messages, although the lack of response or one line response or not responding for hours used to annoy me too and the ‘I’ve been busy’ comment really reassures no one.

Try not to worry, little setbacks are common and he’s been doing so well I’m sure once he gets the medication working again it will all be fine.

Let us know how things go tomorrow.

Take care

Lillie xxx

[ariane]

Well I cried myself to sleep last night. He wouldn’t pick up my call. I messaged him asking him to trust me and not push me away because it was too painful the last time. He responded with a “sorry.... goodnight”
I can’t believe I am in this situation again. I have that fear in the pit of my stomach and I feel sick. Saturday night I was in his house cuddling up in his arms... I am devastated

[lilliep]

Oh Ariane I wish I could give you a hug because I truly know how you feel xx A few weeks ago I spent an amazing night with my man, it was like we had never been apart, and it gave me so much hope but he’s never asked me stay over again. I should ask him why when he says he has no feelings for me that night happened as he clearly did then. That’s what keeps my candle of hope flame burning and the darn thing won’t properly extinguish. Although I’m getting close to snuffing it out now.

Ariane I really hope this way he is treating you is just caused by him not taking his medication (sounds like empathy is seriously lacking) and that in a few days he will be back to how he was before, he was doing so well.

Take care Ariane, we are all here for you and we all understand.

Lillie xx

[ariane]

Thanks Lillie, I stayed over 2 wkends in a row with him. He’s introduced me to his friends, called me his girlfriend again. He told me last wkend he went from being so happy to the thoughts coming back. He knows it’s to do with the meds, he actually told me how surprised he was that they actually worked in the first place. I am contacting his friends today. I warned him I would do it so he’s to expect it. I am upset but I am hopeful he can turn things around, I know he wants to

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

I hope contacting his friend works, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Lillie xx

[ariane]

Thanks Lillie,
I spoke to 3 of his friends this morning. I am not the only one he is avoiding apparently. Somehow it makes me feel a little better that it is not only directed at me.
I feel so much better for having spoken with them. They are all contacting him, he is bound to know that its because of me but i don't care. i had warned him i would do this. They all have my number and they all said they would ring me tonight with an update.


Edit: he texted me saying he was fine and just needed time because of all the changes that happened in short succession. The text must be because all his friends got in touch with him.
I flipped, i am assuming that needing time is away from me, he's the one who referred to me as his girlfriend again (i never asked!), he's the one who told me to bring an overnight bag the last 2 weekends. All along i went at his pace. I told him he is deluded if he thinks i am going to stick around again like i did back in December. I told him that i never asked for anything back while all along i was there supporting him and that now i was asking for him to pick up the phone when i ring him later. I told him that if he didnt, i would seriously consider moving on. i cannot face another period of the total misery I felt in December... I am scared

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

I think you are doing the right thing and I’m hoping that he does pick up that phone tonight. You can only forgive so much and you have been there for him, so patient and understanding for so long. You tread eggshells with these people, I’ve done it for 8 months and it’s not the easiest thing to do and it hurts when they turn on you. I wonder if he has his meds yet. I know they take a while to work.

Let us know what happens. We are all here for you, me especially xx

[ariane]

He didn’t pick up. I tried him twice and he didn’t pick up. I messaged him asking him if he understood that I couldn’t go through this again. (When my kids dad left me it nearly broke me so I have a lot of empathy for people suffering depression because I kinda was there too a little bit). I asked him did he understand that I was not strong enough to do this again because honestly I don’t think I am...
He has not read my message although he has been online. His friend did say to me though this morning that my guy does typically sabotages his relationships...
I am exhausted, want to curl up in bed and cry but my kids are here so I can’t
I haven’t heard from his friends yet

[lilliep]

Ariane I am so sorry and wish even more that I could give you a hug xx

I hope his friends get back to you with some more positive news and I hope he reads your message. Nothing is worse than seeing them online ignoring your message, my guy often ignored messages and it always felt like he was punishing me for pushing him too hard. He almost always got back to me a few days later though, totally ignoring anything I had said in the message and acting as if he never read it. I think he knows he has upset you and he’s afraid to read your message. He’s probably kicking himself right now.

Stay strong Ariane, leave him be and see if he gets back to you in a day or two. The ball really is in his court and you have his friends onside too.

I’ll be here if you need to talk xx