Fear of dating/relationships

[mihaela]

I'm pleased it's been of help to you.
I save posts just by copying and pasting them onto a blank page, giving it a name and saving it. Unfortunately the forum's very disorganised and unmoderated, and it's so very difficult to find things that you want. There must be so much good advice, etc. going back for years.

[pepsi22]

Yes be nice to have a pin post button so you can pin some posts for future reference

I used to date and had a couple of long term relationships. Was always in a relationship. Had a melt down and now , although it would be nice I just don’t feel I would cope.
I met someone and said I wanted to keep it as friends, I’m glad I did as I realise my mental health illness can rear it’s head anytime and I have to think just about me, i met someone who also struggles , thought that maybe easier, as we would understand each other perhaps, I think in fact it was more difficult. We remain friends and very occasionally go out, I think the problem for me is that I have to consider my own mental health so much and of course so does the other person, it doesn’t seem to leave much time to support each other...difficult , and in my opinion mental illness can be such a selfish one...
I love to help and support but so difficult at times when your struggling yourself

[daisy70]

You are not the only one, don't feel left out! I have been on my own for 19 years, I do love living by myself and feel free but I know I could never find the trust to be with someone. It is only 3 years ago I decided to get a season ticket to watch my rugby team I have been supporting for decades, I have always enjoyed the sport. I don't feel judged as a single middle aged woman enjoying a sport with people of all ages and for the first time I am really enjoying myself when I am out, I go out for the odd meal on my own, I get some strange looks when I go to the more 'fancy' restaurants, order just one main meal with a bottle of water, browse my phone but I don't take notice of those voices in my head thinking oh look at her, is there something wrong with her that she is on her own. I just say to myself, it is 2018 we live in a society now that people are more accepting that women do things on their own these days, I have (very recently) been into a pub to watch rugby on my own with a glass of water because I don't drink, sometimes someone will start a conversation with me, I am always polite and can get on with people but I think they sense I have a huge wall up. My manic depression has held me back with my racing thoughts, I get panic attacks even when I am out but have learnt to find a place, sit down take my tablet and breathe without drawing attention to myself. Maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear or know, perhaps you are looking for a companion, I think we all would love a companion that is compassionate, understanding, someone who gives you the space to breathe, be there when you need them as well as trying to do things together but most of all someone you can trust. With mental health we give our all or give absolutely nothing and some might not be accepting of it and may become resentful towards you and you'll get hurt.

[emloja]

Thanks Daisy for your lovely response. I think it is great that you don't let being single hold you back. Your description of a companion sounds perfect!
I randomly go through periods of not caring about being single and feeling content (like the last two months) and then something triggers me into wanting what i haven't got and becoming quite sad about it (like now!). So irritating as i worry if i am in denial of having relationship issues and that is why i can ignore it and feel content until it gets triggered again and then i feel a bit crappy. I am just a bit annoyed at the moment as i have had an amazing last few months and suddenly this low mood has jumped upon me!