In a bad way

[deb1960]

Thank you all for your answers. Last night I felt so bad and obsessive about sleep that I decided she's not coming. It's too much. I'm going to ring my sister who is a fantastic organiser. I think I might get my husband to call her, it saves the stress. I will refund her tkts.

I was talking to a support worker at the MH Association today. She says that although my fear is bad it's mainly coping mechanisms I need to work on now. She's probably right. This is where mindfulness comes in and i hope the course helps me.

I feel cancelling my mum is the right decision. My Dad (they're separated) always says to do what is best for me. A most wise man.

[Isap]

Hi Debs

Glad you have done the right thing.

I think your coping mechanisms are better than you think they are but this mindfulness will really help. I believe its really helping me.

Isap xx

[deb1960]

I hope you're right Isap. It's so hard to see yourself as coping when you have so much fear. I suppose because all of us on here are constantly working on our mental health it must mean something. We have no choice though.

I feel so angry with my mum. I'm not dealing with it right now. My sister will have her, I will reimburse her train fare but right now I feel furious at how selfish she is and guilty because, well because I'm a very good daughter and this doesn't sit with me well.

Debs xx

[deb1960]

Btw on a funny note.

Yesterday I rang the Samaritans. I got a nice man with a strong Welsh accent. When I told him I was feeling fear of the fear he said, 'that's a vicious circle. I'd like to say you'll come out of it but I don't know.'
This doesn't come across as funny but his accent somehow made it comical. Fortunately I wasn't upset by what he said. He was doing his best and I knew he wasn't their star pupil.

[amaya]

Awesome choice Deb and you are a good daughter.
I know you can get through everything to better days beyond

[Isap]

Hi Debs

With regard to fear of fear, the one thing which won't work is trying to think logically about it.

Instead, try thinking these thoughts

"I've felt this way before and survived. I can get through this too"

"Feeling like I can't cope doesnt mean I can't"

I can't predict the future so stop guessing "

"I can't control everything so I don't need to try"

"I'm doing the best I can"

"Its OK to feel anxious and perfectly natural under the circumstances"

My favorite bible passages for help:

Psalms 9:9-10
Psalms 118:5
Phillipians 4:6-7
Matthew 11: 28-30
IsIah 41:10

There are lots of others

Hope this helps a little. One small step at s time

Isap xx

[Isap]

Hi Debs

I did the tree frog meditation practice today, its very nice but atypical because it relies on visualisation

I've heard its best to start with breathing meditation and there are some good 3 minute ones on the links I provided.

Isap xx

[teamn]

glad samaratans helped you, and hope links do to, don't know what else to say that hasn't been said by others, except hope today is good day,

[amaya]

How are you doing today? Did you manage to sleep last night?

[deb1960]

Hi Amaya, Natalie and Isap

You're so right Isap. Logic doesn't work on fear. This morning I said 'well I'm bound to think like this' to each fear that came up. For my two hours in Poundworld it helped a lot. All your suggestions are good Isap and I will read those psalms/readings. It really helps when people have had similar experiences. To know that my thought processes aren't unique is a relief even if I know it anyway.

My day has been mixed Amaya. This morning I coped better with my fear. The afternoon was quite tough. I'm worried about my sleep again and the horrible symptoms I can get.

I love the Samaritans Natalie. Because they're volunteers you know they're in it for the right reason and their training is of a high standard meaning they know how to handle the calls with compassion.

Deb x