In a bad way

[Isap]

Hi Debs

Agree with your assessment of depression v anxiety. I've gone from one to the other these past 2 or 3 weeks and can testify that depression is more of a struggle. You can forget anxiety when involved in a task or interesting conversation. Depression never gives you much of a break. Anxiety is still horrible but can be conquered.

Isap xx

[amaya]

I dunno. I have had periods of both and depression feels horrible, like something horrible that will never never end, and it is just horrible. But you can also recover from a period of depression. And somehow when I have been just depressed I have found ways to keep going. Anxiety on the other hand seems ready to jump out at me at any moment from the slightest trigger, it has taken away the life I had and made me feel I was going to die. When anxiety attacks I cannot control myself at all, with the depression I could. This may have to do with my cptsd. Who knows.

My point is that you cannot compare suffering. Maybe for one person it is one way, and for another, another.

Also, everything has the potential to knock you to the bottom. But we also can beat it all, anxiety, depression or whatever, there will also be a way through to find.

[teamn]

Debs, your comments are very encouraging, about getting through.....I have experienced anxiety for only one episode, when I had a contraceptive coil in place that totally disagreed with me, and now I've had periods opduring and post pregnancy of clinical depression. I find depression unbearable and anxiety more manageable, but still very tough and very different. With depression I feel numb and yet still able to feel all dreadful things, I felt physical symptoms and also felt lifeless , but unable to see any light or hope.. with anxiety I felt too much and was overwhelmed

Very strange how they feel so different from one person to the next...

And this is first time I've even thought about the difference, so thank you for your post, it made me reflect .

[deb1960]

It's different for everyone I guess. My sister in law suffered from terrible anxiety and can't think of anything worse.

Again, everyones pain is unique to them.

Deb x

[amaya]

How are you doing?

[Isap]

Hi Deb

I agree that everyone's pain is unique. Also, that the love we have for one another is really the only thing that matters

Isap xx

[deb1960]

I've had a couple of weeks where I've been coping. My mood was mixed but I felt a healthy resignation about it all. Then yesterday the fear came back. Fear of the fear, of it getting worse. I've tried to be mindful but that hasn't helped. My course in January might help a little. My husband always tells me the fear will pass. Whilst I'm in it it feels permanent. My fears are simply thoughts I know but obviously they affect the way I feel. Hence mindfulness. Sometimes I feel almost blasé about it all but that never lasts.

When I feel resigned I have a vaguely optimistic view of the future. At the moment I'm reminding myself that I am a natural catastrophiser and so in a problem I believe the worst. Ironically, in all the years of thinking the worst, it never happened. Instead I had a massive breakdown which I'd never anticipated.

To add to it all my mum's decided to come for Christmas. Who knows it might be a good thing. I had no choice. Despite my other two sisters inviting her she's coming to me. If it's too much she assures me she'll stay at my son's but that doesn't happen. She quickly guilt trips me into having her here even when I've asked her not to visit due to my health. I love my mum but not right now. Right now I've remembered how selfish she is. Visiting isn't about wanting to look after me. It's because she has decided that she wants to be at mine this year. I sound horrible but once I asked if I could refund her for her rail fares as I couldn't cope with anyone staying. She simply refused and came up the next day.

Enough of my moan. I just wish I felt well enough to look forward to her visit.

[amaya]

Can your husband tell her no if she won't listen to you?
I feel like you need your boundaries respecting at the moment. Even if she means well it still isn't listening to you and you need people around who will support you at the moment.

Thinking of you x

[teamn]

she sounds like my mum. just do whatever they choose. Its fine when were string enough to manage the behaviour and comments, but not if were not.

I feel for you, and keep my fingers crossed that your mindfulness techniques work better whilst she comes to visit. The fear of fear thing I can relate to also, its awful, gad your hubby is there for you and supportive, I'm sure that helps knowing someones got your back.

look after yourself, my minds a little full of late, but don't want to read the post and not comment,

[Isap]

That's rotten for you Debs I agree with everyone else can your sisters put more pressure on her? That's totally selfish of her.

Fear of fear is horrid. In my case it comes in phases. Mindfulness definitely does help.

Isap xx