Just sharing , mainly to get ff my chest, but also I case anyone I rested with my boring life
3rd night in hostel, to day was good day, my daughters wellbeing always is the fighting force, of course my sons too, but she's dependent on me while he's not so much. So we usually have a regular baby group we go to on Wednesday, without my car (which got towed) and this beautiful British weather
., I was concerned of how to get to the class. But I never let it stop me, fir first time in days, please don't judge I changed my clothes, I never felt need to before as I wast leaving the house abd felt rubbish so didn't change, fir me when I'm down self car often goes out window, particularly as most f my cities are in my dads loft as (as I could no longer afford storage costs) I only have few clothes to wear now.anywayi never le it stop me, I got changed, got bus and train , and took her to class, she loved it and so did I.. it took ages to get Back and I had to prepare her some good, so had to force myself to cook in the kitchen , big step for me, as I'm generally a clean freak and this kitchen is not of my liking, but what was I gonna do, can't le her starve.. so then as I Cooke fir her, I decided to cook fir myself also, instead of getting takeaway again.. I felt good after eating . I really feelmtha having to deal with the, will force me to find a wY to sort it out, I do d have an option to do some work, self employment selling products..so really thinking of doing that to best of my ability so I can make some money and get out of here..
I think the universe
/God really forces your hard sometimes, in order to get you out of your situation that's not working, to move you toward something that wil. Maybe my dad being so horrid and forcing me out of his home, to live hear, will be the thing that muses me make some serious positive movement
. Here's hoping. We can all talk, but it's action that's required on my part, that's wha the depression took from me, motivation to do..motivation to take steps, it took my confidence, my pizazz, my get up and go..and I need that back please depression, send it by FedEx, Royal Mail whatever, but please just send it back .
Think meds kicking in. Feeling good, in spite f it all, and just want to keep on keeping on.. but does anyone else get scared f being happy since having depression or anxiety. It's almost like I scare of being happy, or trusting my happiness as I'm just waiting fir the feeling of numbness and depression to take over..
Maybe it's just me, that's y I had t take one day at time, that's why I'm still not working or doing anything. I mean Adele as daughter, but I'm usually self employed and have all ways delivired/created many independent projects so I don't always need An employer .. but over past year as I says , my confidence and motivation have been week..
Wow I'm tired, baby still wakes at least 3 times a night, starts to catch up this week already. And I also think, I've not been relaxed sleeping in hostel , so think that had something to do with it to., tonight I'm going to relax as I feel I've done really well today ....yay me!!!