Tell Me Something About You

[rob67]

Feeling run down and feel like killing myself only how do I do it?

[scotslassuk]

Please don't kill yourself. You can talk to me if you would like too? My son tried to kill himself last week, not the first time he's tried, thankfully we got him in time. It was a cry for help, and believe me I'm fighting hard to keep my son and get the help. I could help you if you would let me?

[anton6]

Hi am new . Was not sure what to post as an introduction, so here is an excerpt from something I have written this week, as things aare getting more intense.

"Because you see, when you think that you are just some unlucky person that is doing everything wrong...then find out your mother is mentally ill (see previous post) and then finally, not only you realise that you are not unlucky, but that what happened was not your fault (after years of guilt and repressed anger), and that all those traumatic events triggered BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder, EUPD in the UK) eventually, is a massive relief.
That does not make BPD go away, but does explain a lot, and more.

And I do trust what I have been told, I have been lucky and have had lots of support. But now, I have to deal with the fact that, even though it was not my fault 'I' am responsible for doing certain things, putting myself in dangerous situations, and so on. And no matter how much someone tells me: 'hey, you did not cause this', it still hurts.

So now I will need to learn to cope with all the memories, all the hidden scenes and the anger upon the anger.
It is quite ironic really. I am someone chasing after dreams, trying to avoid mistakes and failures, while causing them at the same time. It is not easy for me to accept.
But now, finally, I see it written in front of me. And it is not easy. But I refuse to be a victim. I have work to do, my extreme sensitivity to emotions and fear of abandonment has led me here (I am not making this this up, therapist told me this ). But it has also made me extremely empathic.
Unfortunately, consciously or un-consciously I am the one ending up at the wrong end of the road. But there is a road, and it's not closed.
My story is not over;"

[alexking]

Hi,

I've never used an online forum for help before so I'm very new at this, but I figured it would be a good place to talk about my issues as I struggle to do that in real life.

I'm 22 years old and I'm from London, England. I moved to rural Suffolk in England when I was 13 with my mother and father after my fathers business was made redundant in London. When I was 15 I experienced my first panic attack and it has left a scar on my mental health ever since. I was always abit of a worrier as a child but this was something different, it was pure panic and fear. Since then I have struggled with keeping calm in situations that should be enjoyable (going out to eat, going on holiday etc). In recent years I have struggled with self harming problems and abusing prescription drugs (xanax). I have been to see a psychiatrist about these issues but he seemed to try and blame everything on my father. My father is an alcoholic and went manic 3 years or so ago and decided to divorce my mother which left her very upset, so it's understandable he tries to blame him for how I feel. I can remember being very young and noticing my father drank a lot, to the point where he would pass out at the kitchen table. My mother was diagnosed with cancer this year as well which has really affected me in ways I couldn't imagine. I'm an only child and my mother is one of the only people I truly feel comfortable talking to about my issues. I have had numerous girlfriends, all of whom have ended up leaving me as I've been a closed book the entire relationship. I'm terrible with breakups, my recent girlfriend left me a week or so ago and I'm really struggling. The thing is, it's not her I miss to be honest, it's more I miss feeling like someone cares about me. Of course friends and family care about me but I go through stages where I feel so incredibly lonely and unwanted by people it tears my confidence up to shreds. I am now trying to open up to people about how I feel, I've only had conversations with friends via texts as I feel if I were to talk about it in real life I would just burst into tears as I have been bottling up everything for so many years. So that's sort of why I've written on this forum as I'm trying to come to terms with my emotions.

My anxiety comes out in various ways. I am constantly aware of my heart beat and I convince myself that I'm going to have a heart attack and die. I also feel like I can't breath sometimes, literally like I'm being chocked by some ghostly force, it's truly terrifying. I can control it now but it still has an astronomical effect on my day to day life, I feel like I haven't had a really relaxing day since pre my first panic attack.

I would be interested to see if anyone else has suffered with similar feelings and situations.

Thank you in advance for any responses that come to this post.

[squirrelf]

Hello all,

Just joined yesterday. What to say: I'm 51F who maybe because of my age decided I wanted to get a life before its too late. I feel as though I haven't had a life, not really so thats what I trying to get but I know it will take time and I am trying to be as positive as I can. I've never married or had kids and haven't worked in a while and though the Government has tried to get me and others back into work it hasn't worked for me because of the anxiety I kept feeling. Anxiety is still a problem.

After years of being closed down in many ways, and switched off - I couldn't even cry when my parents died within 2 years of each other.

I have though now opened up a bit which has been conscious decision as I really need to do this. More recently i found myself in a situation
that totally overwhelmed me in a good and bad way and I am trying as hard as I can to manage it. Relationships have and continue to be a problem for me - intimacy problems, trust, not really liking people, not really liking myself. But its changing, small steps.

[christabel]

Hi there

Welcome to the forum. I hope you have a good browse round and feel free to join in or start new posts.

Well done for moving forward. You are right to be taking small steps. Self help is always a good thing. Building up confidence bit by bit is a sure way to coping better with the anxiety.

We are who we are and having these problems doesn't mean we are bad people. I can relate to quite a bit of the things you wrote about.

Hope to hear more from you on the forum. Take care. Chris

[squirrelf]

thanks Chris, see you around the place.

[rin]

Hey there, I'm new, so I though I better post something somewhere?

- I'm a 22 year old student nurse in the UK, I enjoy writing, drawing, and playing with my pet rabbit, Teg. I've had problems with mental health issues for the majority of my life, namely depression, sitational anxiety, and psychosis. I think it started when I was 7, my best (and only at school) friend moved away to a different country, and I wasn't viewed very kindly at school, so I basically went to the same school for 4 more years without any friends, which was really lonely, and gave me horrendous trust issues and abandonment issues. It did get to the point when I was suicidal at 9. Then a friend who didn't go to my school died suddenly when I was 11, which set me off again, and at the age of 13, did actually attempt suicide (obviously didn't work). I reached 16, and I was alright for a bit, then went to university for the first time (I only managed a year), where my anxiety developed - turns out I get very anxious cooking in frount of other people, so I half staved myself - and psychosis (I was 110% sure that if I left my room for more than 5 minutes, nuclear war would break out, which makes no sense now, but yea).Up until this point, I was never diagnosed with anything. I moved back home and it all somewhat resolved it self. Now 2 years later, my Grandma has died, and my family is all going at each other for different things, the nursing course I'm on is extremely difficult to keep up with, and I'm just struggling at the moment. We're looking at getting me some medication in the next month and I've formally been diagnosed with depression.
Anyway, sorry, just kinda rambled then

[shanlon]

Hi
My mental health has been challenged recently. My lovely mum died in April 2016 and it feels like only yesterday that it happened. I feel very low and anxious all the time and just want to feel some kind of normal( whatever that is) I really want to enjoy life again so thought I'd join this forum to see how other people with mental health issues cope and hopefully get to know people with similar outlooks on life

[squirrelf]

Hello Rin,
in regards to your nursing course do you think you maybe need some time out from studies (you are still so young and can go back to it) when things are a bit more settled with your health and other issues?

take care