Postby motherofrage » Wed Mar 11, 2015 9:37 pm
I'm struggling with a lot of family crap at the moment, feeling in turn very angry, betrayed, abandonned, angry, confused, lonely - oh, and did I mention angry? I'm particularly anxious about a forthcoming family holiday, where I'll be expected to keep all those feelings under wraps to protect the others. Now a situation at work has escalated - some colleagues keep trying to dump jobs on me they should be doing themselves, not sharing information with me and generally ignoring anything I say. I get on well with my boss, and whenever I raise these problems with him he is supportive and promises to sort it out, but it doesn't last. The colleagues are always terribly polite, no bullying, but they always put me in a position where it would look and feel unreasonable for me to refuse. My boss apparently feels the same as he always somehow ends up supporting them, even after he's just told me he'd back ME. This time their behabious feels completely outrageous to me, as they have obviously lied to justify their behaviour, and I'm feeling incredibly angry, betrayed, confused (why do these things keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong?). I've been struggling with all kinds of symptoms of stress and, I think, depression for months (palpitations and chest pain, feeling weepy, exhausted, achey, not motivated to do anything beyond what's absolutely necessary, constantly angry and irritable, and sometimes having thoughts of suicide). I went to my GP about the phsical symptoms, but have so far held back on the rest, although I have told her that I'm having therapy because of childhood abuse. She has suggested signing me off, but I've so far resisted that. Partly because I'm worried about the stigma, partly because I don't want to let people down, and also because for the most part my work routine has actually been helpful - most of my colleagues are very nice. But now I just want to get away from it all, at least for a while. On the other hand I'm still coping (albeit badly), I'm not having a breakdown. Much as I want to escape the pressure, I also feel that it would be cowardly to do so, that I should somehow fight my corner more effectively than I have done so far. I don't know what to do - go back to GP and ask for a sick note, or keep trying to sort it out somehow? can anyone help?