I think it might be going that way for me too. Because my parents didn't want me to talk about what had happened to me (because they couldn't cope with my distress), it became my dirty secret. Apart from my husband, only one friend knew about it, and she still lives in my home country, so I only see her once a year or so. So almost all my relationships are based on a lie about who I am, which makes me feel dishonest and always worried about somehow being exposed. I'm trying to be more open with people, but it's not been going that well. My boss has turned out to be great, and that is a huge relief, but he's still my boss, not my friend. On the other hand someone who I thought would be on my side just doesn't seem to understand how much I'm struggling. She thinks I owe it to my parents to keep up the appearance that all is just fine. And my parents still don't really seem to want to know. I'd previously managed to put quite a bit of distance between us (leaving the country will do that!), but once I produced a grandchild they were back in my life and it seemed unfair to deprive my son of contact with his family (they're better granparents than they were parents). I keep getting trapped in wanting to be fair to everyone else, but I'm beggining to feel that it's been enough. I' m going to have to spend a week with them all, and with my brother and his family, who also know nothing (and as a result, I think, often see me as withdrawn, strange and probably just downright rude). I am sick of keeping this secret and feeling like a scapegoat, and part of me wants to end this now, whatever the outcome. But another part of me fears that that will just confirm in everyone's mind that I am completely unreasonable, ungrateful and hysterical. Because I don't know what it will be like, I can't actually plan what I'm going to do. And I'm worried that I'll just lose my temper at a really unsuitable moment and that it will all blow up in my face.