Its really difficult!!

[butterflywong]

I want to share my story with you all, am I the only one struggling in this planet?
I am living with my husband and a girl. My husband has been suffering BPD, depression (when young) alcohol addiction, smoking for years, and he is now unemployed,he said he hated himself. He has been seeing a psychotherapist and recevied 20 sessions of Cognitive Anaylatic therapy treatment lately. I know he is having a very difficult time and has had few outbreaks. I tried to help but it didnt work. He hates me giving advice to him. Once, I suggested him to go to mental hospital to get treatment becasue of his outbreak but he said he didnt need to the next day morning but his emotion has been up and down, like a roller coaster. I know he is struggling and lost. It is affecting us too.
We have a lovely girl but she is challenging, she has seen the madness reaction from her dad when he lost his temper, which is very damaging I think. I believe she was scared. She is copying his words. My girl likes to break house boundries, maybe because of her age (12) and family setting, it didnt help, I wanted to keep the boundries in place and tried to be firmed, yes I shouted because I get frustrated by her and she never takes the intiative to follow the house rules, I always need to impose them hard, remind her frequently, it is tiring. Whenever my husband hears I argued with our daughter, then he gets very angry and alwayss point at me - I should not shout, its not helping our daughter but he does nothing to our daughter's behaviour when the situation happens (shouting / rude at me, breaking the boundries, not listening and trying to get what she wants). I get very angry at his reaction on me when I was dealing with our daughter, why he is not supporting me and helping to explain to our daughter? I mentioned to him so many times, but its the same reaction from him. I don't accommodate him, I ingored him and ask him not to be involved between me and our daughter (cause he will not help). And he losses his temper, break/damage things in front of both of us and blame me. go mad. Did I do anything wrong, I am a human being, I have emotions, my husband and I do not have the same approach to our daughter, he wants to be nice to her and accomodate her to have peace in the house, and he said he wanted to trust her daughter even thought our daughter does not keep what she says, then I can see he lets loose, give exceptions to her, let her do what she prefers to do. But will this teach our daughter? Am I selfish, I am not a doctor, I feel I dont have any help, and I dont know how to help. I feel struggling living in the house, it is a sad family with tones of problems, my daugher has early stage eating disorder and we are working on it with NHS. I am a full time working mum with any elderly father to take care. I feel a lot of burden, worries on my shoulder. Its very sad, why I have to go through this in my life. I am not sure I am coping, I dont want my husband keep affecting my and my daughter's emotion. What shall I do???? I really dont know.....

[stressed]

Sorry I have not got any answers. It sounds like you are doing your best to juggle many different roles. I know it probably not easy but do people like your employer and perhaps your GP know that you are caring for your Dad? Do you get any support or respite from caring for him.
Anyone is entitled to ask for a Career's Assessment. I found it made me more aware of how much I actually did do for my Brother when I stopped to think about it..

I have found much support/advice/comfort and just some good old fashioned-time out on here.

Carers Support have been really helpful in proving really simple but effective suggestions.
Perhaps they or a similar group could have a chat and come up with some ideas for you.

I put off getting help because I wasn't my Brother's main carer and because I wanted to cope with everything by myself.

I am sure there are others on here who can relate to having similar family issues...x