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need to feel!! (may trigger***)

For when you're feeling particularly vulnerable...
whisper
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:05 pm
Location: ????

need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby whisper » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:03 pm

Had to bury my emotions over the last month or so and now I am very overwhelmed with them!! I have to s/h before I do something that I may not come back from!!! I can't cope with all these feelings, I could quite easily end myself!!! I need pain, the physical kind!! I need it to really hurt!! To take my mind off of all this stuff in my head!! I am sorry if this is upsetting for anyone, I selfishly thought that maybe having seen and shared my thoughts on here may delay the inevitable for me!
Im sorry! :o
life is a lemon....and i want my money back..!!!

AndreR
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2013 9:34 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby AndreR » Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:20 pm

whisper wrote:Had to bury my emotions over the last month or so and now I am very overwhelmed with them!! I have to s/h before I do something that I may not come back from!!! I can't cope with all these feelings, I could quite easily end myself!!! I need pain, the physical kind!! I need it to really hurt!! To take my mind off of all this stuff in my head!! I am sorry if this is upsetting for anyone, I selfishly thought that maybe having seen and shared my thoughts on here may delay the inevitable for me!
Im sorry! :o


Hello Whisper

Sharing your thoughts on here has not been a selfish decision, I have read your thoughts, I wanted to read your thoughts, given your post my full attention to read, although I cannot expect to feel the depth of your pain, I empathetically tried to feel the pain from your words, I could sense your struggle with your thoughts, the desperate need to want to be free from the emotional effects being experienced, at times feeling hopeless to cope with the overwhelming impact.

To read your thoughts here is to let you know someone is here, connecting to the place where you are at the moment or at any moment, to know that as you write out the pain on here, knowing you are not alone, that someone on the other end goes into your world of words to be with you.

I hope you have come through and found a little relief from this inner place as time passed,as I and other members are always here to listen, across time and space to hold your hand through these times by connecting with your words,... thinking of you.

As always take care

Andre
Do it...Afraid.

MythEagle
Posts: 1083
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:26 pm

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby MythEagle » Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:28 pm

Whisper
I get the need to harm and feel pain, and controversially, I actually think that sh is better than anything more final, so whilst I don't like the idea of anyone hurting themselves because of their emotional state, harming oneself is the less terrible of the two options.

But I have to ask if you've tried everything else first? You've started to write it out here, have you written it all out? Does that help you at all? I am sure you know all the recognised coping techniques, the breathing exercises, holding ice, snapping an elastic band, listening to music, going for a walk(!) , doing something nice for yourself..... I know I am teaching my grandma to suck eggs here, but sometimes I know from experience it helps to be reminded that there are other options out there.

I know you wrote this a while ago now. How are you doing?

Sending hugs if you'd like them

ME
You are braver than you think, and stronger than you know.

whisper
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:05 pm
Location: ????

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby whisper » Mon Jan 13, 2014 6:55 pm

Thankyou for your replies! I have to say that the elastic band and holding ice cubes just don't solve it for me, unfortunately!!!! I need to see/feel my blood on my skin!!!
All I can tell you is that I'm still here!! I just need time out from my struggling cos at the moment I don't get any respite from it!!! It is exhausting!! I don't see the point of it all, it's torture!!!
Sorry, I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, its endless!!!
Thanks again!!! :!:
life is a lemon....and i want my money back..!!!

MythEagle
Posts: 1083
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:26 pm

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby MythEagle » Mon Jan 13, 2014 7:26 pm

Good to hear from you whisper. No the elastic bands etc don't work for me either, but you understand why I had to ask :)

I know the tunnel can seem endless, but its just long, with a kink in the middle of it that cuts off the light. Things will get better hun, usually when you least expect it. Is there anything you can do to shut off from the world safely? Like a TV show you can get completely submerged in, or some music? Something that requires no thought and provides some kind of satisfaction somehow.

Sending a hug for you

ME
You are braver than you think, and stronger than you know.

whisper
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:05 pm
Location: ????

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby whisper » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:14 pm

I know that I have a real issue about letting anyone too close to me, but I could really do with a hug, a proper hug! Just to feel safe, for a minute!!! Sounds so daft to me!! But that is what I need!! Someone to hold me up while I fall apart! I have not allowed anyone to hug me for a very long time because It makes me feel so vulnerable!! To let someone know that im at a weak point in this life and maybe need to borrow some strength!! (For a second)
Please don't hurt me with this! I have opened up and I am very frightened about being open to abuse now! Be gentle!!!
life is a lemon....and i want my money back..!!!

MythEagle
Posts: 1083
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:26 pm

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby MythEagle » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:42 pm

dear whisper, you just described how I feel when I'm at my lowest. A hug is so simple and yet so complicated, so vulnerable and at the same time gives so much strength. I think "gives good hugs" should be on dating sites as a descriptor!

I'm sending you a big, just tight enough, virtual hug hun. Its not the same thing I know, but I hope you can get some support from it.

Things are going to be ok, how you feel now is not how you will always feel. Tuck yourself up safely somewhere with a pillow and a blanket, get warm, feel safe and know that no-one here is going to abuse you for expressing yourself. We are all just as vulnerable in our own ways. Is it time where you are for a warm drink and sleep?
You are braver than you think, and stronger than you know.

AndreR
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2013 9:34 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby AndreR » Tue Jan 14, 2014 12:08 am

whisper wrote:I know that I have a real issue about letting anyone too close to me, but I could really do with a hug, a proper hug! Just to feel safe, for a minute!!! Sounds so daft to me!! But that is what I need!! Someone to hold me up while I fall apart! I have not allowed anyone to hug me for a very long time because It makes me feel so vulnerable!! To let someone know that im at a weak point in this life and maybe need to borrow some strength!! (For a second)
Please don't hurt me with this! I have opened up and I am very frightened about being open to abuse now! Be gentle!!!


Hello Whisper

You have expressed your feelings so openly, I feel that you may have spoken outwardly what many others may feel inside.

Its sad to read you are not able to let anyone close, you must feel lonely and isolated at times, and deserve to experience the positive feelings of being close to another.

I believe strongly in being supported and understood by the right person, Often I express the importance of the relationship with the right counsellor is what really counts, that I believe its not about the formality and structure of counselling that makes the change in another, but the personality and character of another who naturally emanates genuineness, openness and truth that really matters, to 'feel' the connection with another who could support you best is one who genuinely cares for others.

I hope you may come across someone who makes you feel this way and that you are able to fall apart in their arms because you know someone is with you to hold you while you release the inner pains. Trying to hold up the pressures can be hard to maintain, such a release must be something you wish to experience supported by the right person.

I believe this can be a safe place to share how a person feels, but also as much as a person feels comfortable to share or as little. that everyone has an understanding and can support each other.

Maybe being here talking and being listened to and supported in a way may offer a warmth that you know helps to carry you through each day.

Take care

Andre
Do it...Afraid.

whisper
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:05 pm
Location: ????

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby whisper » Tue Jan 14, 2014 12:34 am

Thanks guys! It's a relief to me that you understand and don't think I'm being soft!! It takes alot for me to admit that I need such a simple yet very difficult thing like a hug!!! I have many teddies that I have collected over the years, to try to replace the comfort I needed from another human being, but no matter how many I have, it's just doesn't stop the pain!!
life is a lemon....and i want my money back..!!!

GrannyV
Posts: 661
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2013 8:57 am

Re: need to feel!! (may trigger***)

Postby GrannyV » Tue Jan 14, 2014 5:35 am

Hi Whisper and ME

Granny V is sending you both big hugs if you happen to be awake at silly o'clock as I am. Everyone on here understands the darkest times as we have all either been there or are there too. It may be very little but I feel for you so much and wish I could whisk all the pain that you are feeling away.

I have mentioned on a different page that I wondered whether waxing or epilating could do the pain job without causing any damage. Just a thought but no idea if it works other than letting you that it gives me a lot of pain, particularly the bikini bit :).

I hope you do not think I am making light of sh, I certainly am not. All I am trying to do is help to keep you safe. You deserve to be kept safe and to be loved. I extend my love to anyone who is suffering. As human beings we are after all just one great big family.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Much Luv
Granny V x x x


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