im so sorry to see that you are still struggling so much. i know from experience how horrible it can be to feel suicidal and that it is such a struggle to resist what your mind is telling you to do. but please know that people here genuinely care about you.
i hope you can find the strength to hold on for a little longer, remember these thoughts wont stay there forever, please consider calling a helpline such as the samaritans 08457 909090 just so you can talk it through. they are completly confidential and will stay chatting to you no mater what you have done and they will only call for help if you ask them to.
please keep chatting on here, sending you very friendly ((((hugs))))
take care of yourself