Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:36 pm
Thank you all sorry to confuse you all my username is Aleshadxcherylc but my name is Katie I know I'm odd lol!
I feel invisible because I felt like nobody cares I feel people everywhere don't understand my issues including the ex therapist situation which was 5 months ago and for 4 weeks my private therapist I'm seeing is on holiday and it feels like after me holding my barrier up and not letting her in and now I have and she's gone away I said to her that I understand shes human and needs a break but thankfully as it's 4 weeks and she knows I've been messed about I can see someone else for that time that she knows who is another therapist. Just starting getting into routine she's only going away for 4 weeks but it did upset me and she said she understood as she knows I can't deal with endings but she said at least she's coming back it's not like Im back to square one again I've known about the holiday since I started with her felt like I was starting and I feel back to square one but she deserves a holiday after dealing with me
It's just nerve wracking that after 4 months I feel like I was just starting but anyway I've been seeing her for ages felt like I haven't progressed she says I have. But it's my fault I've held the barrier up
The Ex therapist thing is still affecting me I still hate myself I hate my weight always on a diet can't look in the mirror haven't done for years as I can't bear to look at my hideous face and weight everyday is a battle and a struggle
Still on pyscotherapy 6 month waiting list hence why I've had to go private but it's bankrupting me but then I can't cope alone ?! Been 4 months bet they have forgotten me and don't care If I do start its going to be what the cbt team set up for me and it's going to trigger things seeing someone again in the nhs after my ex therapist
I feel like I'm going to be on therapy the rest of my life as its become a part of
My life and I take so long
My dads got cancer he's going through chemo even though it's 95% success rate he doesn't deserve it it should be me having to go through it
I've lost my ex therapist and can't get over it I mention her in Therapy I mention her name and it hurts and i cry I don't know how what where and why I can't get over it And it being 5 months on I'm pathetic
Anyway it's all a mess I'm invisible fat ugly stupid hopeless worthless low emotional don't want to live
I suppose I just have to accept that for 21 years my life has been horrible and it alway will be it won't change I'll always be alone eveything bad happen to me and my family what's next throw it at me push me in the ground even further I'm
So selfish
Majority of death I've been through so why can't it be me they've taken eveyone else why not me now !
Thanks all for replying but there's no point in my existence being here or nothing
Katie
X x
Last edited by
Aleshadxcherylc on Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you