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TRIG* dont know where to turn

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 12:10 am

hi everyone,how are you all ? i havnt been on for along time so much has been going on in my life i dont get time to even breath anymore,im self harming again and have a huge problem with food :( i think i have anorexia again ive lost 61 lbs in four months but still feel really fat! i dont know where to turn anymore i feel like im always screaming inside my head but i plaster a smile on my face just to please everyone,ive told a few people about my eatting issue and self harming but im so terrified that my boys will be taken away but its all i have to control in my life all these drs say that i have a say in my youngest one's medical treatment but i really dont :( i just feel like im dieing inside i have thought many times about killing myself because i feel everyone would be better off without me :(
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead

heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:29 am

i dont now why i came back here to be honest :( it seems eveyone has moved on yet im stuck in this horrid world of selfharming and depression , i cryed tonight its the first time ive cryed in weeks i just feel so sceard and alone i hate my life and most of all i hate me
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead

McNuggets
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:52 pm

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby McNuggets » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:54 am

First of all you sound like you are doing a great job as a parent given your current problems. You should be proud of the fact that even though you are going through hell you can still manage to put your children first. That is something that few people manage and I have a lot of respect for people like you. You sound like a strong person and I am sure you can overcome any problem that comes your way.

I really think you should go to the GP and see what he can do for you. I am sure that something can be worked out.

Good luck and keep up the good work :).

LadyKeldana
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:25 pm

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby LadyKeldana » Wed Jul 13, 2011 8:20 am

McNuggets is absolutely right.

also, i worked with family support groups last year and got to know a bit about the scoial system and it's rare beyond belief that kids get taken away from loving parents. hell, there are kids out there that are being abused and neglected and they still don't get put into care, partly because the sysytem is now about working with parents to help them and also because housing a child in foster care is too expensive.
You obviously love your kids alot and you're trying really hard, and that does count for something. Go to your doctor and get help, and remember we're here if you need us x

heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:14 pm

thank you guys my gp is awear as is my mental health doctor and my childs disability worker but i cant help but worry that my kids will be taken away i love my boys more than words could express but sometimes life just seems to hard,cutting and restricting my food intake are the only ways i know how to cope with bad times and im more scread of giving up that control because then my emotions will be all over the place and that scears me the most :( ive been have real bad panic attacks the last four days and alot of flashback and nightmaers about my past :cry: i just feel like everything is falling down around me so fast and i cant do anything to stop it xx
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby craziememe » Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:21 pm

hi not everyone has moved on im still stuck too and still use here for support and help for my mental illnesses.
you sound like a fantastic mum and im sure your boys love you to bits, try not to get worked up and worry about something that is most likly not gonna happen. talk to the people around you including your gp etc let them know your struggling with eating and self harm- but dont ever be ashamed, it takes a stronger person to hold there hands up and ask for help. well thats what i think anyway.
and keep posting here. we're here for you. i have a son too and i know how difficult parenting is when your struggling with the past and current mh problems. will always listen hunni i'm a bit crap at advice but i will always listen to you xx
Craziememe

heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:14 pm

hi craziememe how are you? your advice is helpfull you have helped me in the past after i lost my daughter and i was close to the edge, im just worried that people may judge me like the have in the past :cry: i just feel like im trapped in this horrid place in my head and everything is crumbling around me :cry: i havnt cut since may though everyone thinks it was feb the last time i cut :? but im so tempted i pinch my arms and legs to stop myself from cutting but its not working so great anymore :cry:
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead

chimp
Posts: 3318
Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:46 am
Location: hell
Contact:

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby chimp » Wed Jul 13, 2011 9:34 pm

good to hear from you heather. im sorry you are in a bad place at the moment.i just wanted to let you know im thinking of you ,i know its hard for you ,you have been through so much i know huge hugs kyla.

heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:08 pm

thank you kyla, i just feel so alone with whats been going on this last year,i feel like life just isnt going to improve and i dont now what to do :( ive started seeing things again and its screaring the hell out of me but dont now what to do anymore xx
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead

heather1
Posts: 249
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:47 am
Location: a place all of my own

Re: TRIG* dont know where to turn

Postby heather1 » Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:10 pm

its like i keep seeing little black marks at the side of my eyes my mental health worker said its because i am so stressed and down that things will improve when my depression does have any of you had this experiance before xx
walking around i seem alive but inside i am dead


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