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Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:29 pm
by von66
Very suddenly and out of the blue really (although thinking back now there were warning bells). My world has fallen apart, I am completely alone now, no family or friends as my life revolved around our relationship..The cults initials are JW, not sure on protocol on naming individual orgs.

I am heartbroken and well on the way to another period of major depression. I'd been doing so well, even got a part time job. I feel anger, despair and betrayal. We had been together nearly 5 years and he had shown no inclination of re engaging with JW although some of his family members are practising and others not.

I took a chance and believed him when he said he would never leave our relationship for them. Their indoctrination is relentless and focuses on impending doom, shunning the unbelievers and NO SEXUAL CONTACT outside a JW relationship. I am now a sinner! I think he has lost his mind. I know I feel like I'm losing mine :( Is a anyone have any experience of this type of situation, or suggestions about where I can get help.....It would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:53 am
by betterinrecovery
Dear Von66,
I saw your post yesterday and I went away hoping that someone, with more wisdom that I would post here first, because I wasn't sure what to say that would help.
However, you are going through a lot of pain and I do know about heart-ache and broken relationships.

It is obvious that you are in shock, even if you had an inkling that your partner might be going back to this group, you were not expecting to be cut out of his life like this.

You know what it sounds like? It sounds like a bereavement - like when a spouse dies, that sort of a shock. I am told the pain can be almost unbearable. :(

I would say that there is no easy fix for this,
Just like someone who has had a bereavement, please find a non-judgemental person to speak to and pour out your heart. I believe that you will have to do this quite a lot.
I think, in my view, managing the pain and looking after yourself - eating as well as possible, sleeping as well as you can- will help initially.
There is a text message service run by sane, a telephone talking service run by sane and there are the Samaritans, they will be available so you can talk. :idea:

These things are a bit like first aid, in later weeks you will be able to deal with the other stuff, the exclusion and rejections, and you will be able to slowly come to terms with what has happened.

I hope this is a bit of help.
I am sorry that this has happened.
b

P.s. just an idea -never think that you were/are not good enough for your partner, there are things in other people's lives that we can not control.

Re: Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:12 am
by betterinrecovery
Dear von66,
just posting to check on how you are doing....will not post again unless there is feedback, but just want you to get a bit of support.
It occurred to me that you may get support and help from family, even if you have not been in touch for a bit.
I also wonder if your partner has given a clear explanation for why he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, I have known of relationships where one partner is religious and the other is not or where the partners have different faiths - not easy but possible.
There of course the situations where a partner has converted to the religion of their partner...so many combinations.
Anyway wishing you well.
B

Re: Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2019 11:29 am
by Xjw
Hi von66
Only just seen your post as I've logged into deal with my own black dog!

JW, I know them well as I was raised in that cult and left it in my late teens after my parents joined it when I was three years old. There's a lot about them on the web and some good support groups on Facebook - you can try No Nonsense ex Jehovah's Witnesses to start with.

I also recommend the film Apostate. see review here : https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/j ... -witnesses. You can rent it on Google or Youtube.

Any relationship I had with my parents was severely affected when Ieft and as an 'unbeliever' I am not someone to be associated with. Your boyfriend will have a lot of people in the cult telling him how to think and he may try to get you to join. People join cults because they then have a certainty of thinking - everything is black and white, good and evil etc.

Good luck and let me know if you want to know more.

Re: Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 3:46 am
by katyia
sorry to hear this Von

if you like as well as working on your feelings about it
you could try ' being there for him '
not asking him to come back to the relationship
just telling him you are here for him
maybe that you believe he has done the wrong thing
but there is no pressure from you , just support

I think that is part of how people win their partners back from infidelity !

in order to do this you will probably need alot of support
try to get a therapist if you can
and continue to post here

love n hugs Katyia

Re: Religious cult caused my lovely boyfriend to leave me

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 8:12 pm
by pmcp80
As Xjw said, people joining these cults are a bit lost in life and have trouble finding how to live and progress by themselves... So, they find a society that will make them feel surrounded and empowered.
My aunt almost ended up joining the same happy little fellows you're describing, but fortunately, my family surrounded her and made her feel more accepted than this cult could. Does your boyfriend have family that could help him? You could "work" with them in getting him out of this trap before it's too late and he's too deep in.