3 weeks ago my boyfriend (out of the blue for me) broke up with me after 3 years of being together. We were so close, best friends and madly in love, we were saving for a home and had plans to marry and start a family in the future.
In September, he started his career in his new job as a teacher, and this is when things began to change. He is under a lot of pressure with his job, and he always has so much work to do. Often he will stay up all night without sleep, or very little sleep, just to get the marking and lesson plans done. I noticed us becoming less close, but I understood he had a lot on. He started to become more distant, he became less affectionate, started to bottle things up, he often didn't seem interested in me, but I had no doubt that we would work through it and it was just the stress of the job.
He began to start putting other people before me, he would rather be with his friends than me, which is not like him at all (which I now realise it was probably because he doesn't have to talk about his feelings or anything with friends) We got in an argument about it. Our arguments never usually last long, but this time he started saying that he doesn't know how he feels anymore and broke up with me.
He has completely changed in such a short time. He says he has no emotions at all about anything anymore, and it's not fair on me because he can't give me the love I need, and he feels so guilty about what he's done to me, leaving me a week before Christmas. He says that he doesn't feel like himself any more, and that he is a different person. It's like he's dead behind the eyes and there is nothing there anymore. He said all he wants to do is sleep all the time and never wake up. He never drinks, he's never been bothered about it. Now he's drinking all the time, because he says it takes his mind off work and he can just feel numb. I've begging him to take me back, and let me help him. I want him to quit, but he's admitted that this is like an addiction, he can't leave the job even though he can see it being so self destructive. He was the most loving, selfless, patient man I've ever known, he is the opposite now, he just doesn't care.
Sometimes he admits there is something wrong, other times he dismisses it as a bit of stress and there's nothing wrong. He never ever wants to talk about his feelings, he gets snappy when I push. He says he's sick of people asking him, since his friends and family have been asking too. He doesn't want the stigma of asking for help, he doesn't want to be seen as not coping in case it ruins all he has worked for in his career.
What should I do to help him? All I want to do is text him and see him. We text or call every other day, but it's always me contacting him. We've met up a few times. All i do is hug him, stroke his head, hold his hand and tell him how much I love him and will support him and how none of this is his fault so he doesn't need to feel guilt anymore, but he's so cold, I can tell he only lets me do that because he thinks it will help me and make me feel better. I thought if I shower him with love and show how much I care it might help, but I don't think it does at all. I don't know whether to give him space, or whether he actually needs support. I don't want to be too pushy and drive him away, but I don't want us to drift apart either!? I've really struggled through this break up, I feel like my life has been turned upside down and I really need some help.