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Reluctant to go for more therapy

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Reluctant to go for more therapy

Postby logan » Mon Feb 10, 2020 11:07 pm

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since 2008 but was not diagnosed until 2013ish.
I have a lot of regrets in my life, one of them is not going back to the Doctor in 2009 for help as I was pretty much told nothing but I still had this sadness feeling and low mood. When I was diagnosed I got given the option for therapy BUT I did not understand depression and thought the medication will sort me out and Ill be alright. Also was worried what people would think going for therapy.
I was really bad Christmas 17 into early 18 and I finally applied for CBT, I had 17 sessions and they were great, made me understand more and got given coping strategies and other stuff. I liked the therapist as well. The worst session was the last 1 as was given a few options but given that much information at once its hard to take it all in and make a decision straight away, but the therapist did say that I can come back and see her, just ask to wait 3 months, so I decided to see how I go. Last session was October 2018.
December 18 I had a "low mood attack" I was making a cup of tea and was hit by a wave of low mood. it made me feel low and emotional. Slightest thing would make me tear up. I went to the Doctor and spoke with her and she said to contact the place I had therapy to see if I could go back as it had only been 2 months at this point. So that is what I did, I can not remember how long it took but I think I had the assessment before Christmas and then waited for a letter for the appointment, but at each point of contact with them I asked to see the same therapist.
My GP also sent me to see a mental health specialist as well. I got the appointment for that for Feb 19. I went to that and told them my story, said go for CBT which I was already in the process for and I thought that was it from them.
I think I started my second course of CBT in May 19. I was given 6 or 7 session and at first they were weekly. I was not able to see the same therapist as she was still training and can not see returning people. I was disappointed as I liked her but went in with open minded. I did not feel that comfortable with the new therapist, but thought it was down to meet someone new and got to open to them, but there was something in that first session that made me think, "she is not listening to me." Went away thinking well it was only the first session, see how it goes. 2nd session I was not feeling that good. 3rd one cemented the feeling of not clicking with the therapist, but at this point, I had 3 sessions left and thought it is a waste of time swapping for 3 sessions so just tried to make the most of it. With the first therapist CBT I looked forward to going and enjoyed them, I probably would still be going to see her if I was given the option, second one, I wouldnt say dreaded but more of a chore to go. The best session was actually the last session as I was given the options the previous week and I asked if I could think about them. I decided to go for counselling and she set all that up for me. I think these ended in late June or early July 19.
Before the last CBT I got a letter from the mental health specialist to go and see them again. I was surprised about this as it was out of the blue. I went for that and that was July 19. I remember it as in the UK it was the week it was really hot. I told my story again, and wanted me to join a club or something like that. We agreed to change the medication and get another appointment before CHristmas.
August 19, I had an anxiety attack. It happened in the middle of the night and it was like a nightmare but was in the half asleep phase and I could not control it. I went to the GP and started to come off my tablets to start the new ones, told him about the anxiety attack as well. A few days later I got the letter with the start date for Counselling. I was glad about this due to the anxiety attacK. I was able to write some of the things I was doing due to the anxiety attack such as needing reassurance for things I did not do, like opening a car door and hitting someone with it, knowing no one was there but needing confirmation and others as well.
When I had the first CBT I was asked about some of the things like that, but I could not remember and I think my mind tries to block them out.
So I started Counselling in Sept 19. I did not know what to expect, went in open minded again. I think I had 8 sessions in total. think it took about 11 weeks in total for the 8, as after the 1st session, she had a training day and then the following week I was on holiday. Plus I needed to cancel one due to the blooming bus not turning up at all. But that gave me a few new strategies to take my mind away from my thoughts on to something else like imagine making a cup of tea backwards and breaking down each step.
I did enjoy the counselling sessions, The therapist was nice and I did like her. I would say she was second behind the first therapist, but that might be because she was the first one and I had more sessions with her. But both were better than the 2nd therapist.
That took me through to November 2019. Again I was disappointed with the last session as nothing was mentioned about what happens next, but that might be just how the counselling is, was told I could apply to go back after 3 months.
Since Sept I saw my GP each month (not my normal one as she is on maternity leave) just about the medication, each month it got upped bar December, which I was disappointed about as they are not working. Christmas Eve I got the appointment to see the mental health specialist in January 2020.
I saw the specialist in January, I thought it was a waste of time to be honest. It felt rushed, I wanted to ask a few questions but did not really get the chance as sat down quick fire questions, and before I knew it I was on the way home. I spent more time in the waiting room than spending any time in with him.
End of the month I see the GP again.
I do feel like I want some help and could do with it, but I am reluctant due to my experience with the 2nd therapist, plus I am kinda worried what the staff may think as if I go again it will be the third year in a a row I have seen a therapist. .

Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 9:12 pm

Re: Reluctant to go for more therapy

Postby zilexia » Mon Feb 10, 2020 11:23 pm

I cant reply with much help, but I read your story and had to reply, just to say, you're doing great getting help. I cant give much experienced advice on therapy because I am a failure to therapy as a whole, I have been referred by my GP countless times and self referred a few times, but I get so anxious between the referal and the appointment date I cancel... I have a smooth period and I'm fine with it until I dip again and wish I had gone in the first place.
I'm waiting for my first assesment for cbt on my fifth attempt with my local healthy minds centre, my assesment is march 11th so I'm hoping I can not cancel before then!
I really do wish you the best and I hope you can find the support you need soon, perhaps a local support group would help? Knowing that it's always there and there doesnt have to be an end to it, I dont know enough about these things to give advice.
Sorry for the rubbish reply, but I wanted you to know someone read your post and Hope's it all works out for you xx

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