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I feel very vulnerable at the moment

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Joined: Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:24 am

I feel very vulnerable at the moment

Postby jazzyj » Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:53 am

I am 34 years old and female I did post in the newbies bit but I thought I would post here as well, please see below my background I have listed below:

When I was a child I was raised by my mum and granddad as my biological dad left me when I was still a baby. I know of his name but I cannot trace him and apparently he had been in prison for petty crimes.
My granddad who acted as my substitute dad suddenly passed away in 2015 due to illness.

I was abused at 15 (no help sought for it)
Diagnosed with anxiety at 21 (given an SSRI very briefly)
Developed some very debilitating physical illnesses at 28 (taking medication for them)
Abused again at 30 but by a client (no help sought for it, employer was not very understanding)
Experiencing what my family and friends say is abuse which has been going on for nearly 3 years (it will be 3 years in July) so since I was 32 (not reported as I really like and trust the person involved, also just find their behaviour very odd so can't tell what their intentions are)

I am married, have been for the past 2 years
Also a highly sensitive person and have some degree of OCD
So I can be a perfectionist and sometimes low in confidence
Not sure what to do really, am just really confused about what is happening at the moment.

The current situation has affected relationships with other people, I am especially wary of men standing or sitting too close to me or acting as if they are going to touch me and my relationship with my husband is really lacking with regards to intimacy. I do also worry about females my age staring at me or acting as if they are going to be horrible to me - I was publicly harassed by a woman in the street going back to 2006.

As well as that I am afraid to tell him everything because I don't want him to go and tell my family or tell me I am just seeing things.

I am wondering if I should be reporting anything to anyone or seeing a therapist at all? My friends now believe the person who is behaving erratically with me might eventually overstep the mark.

Thank you

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