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Do I bother asking for help when everyone is sad?

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smithie
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2019 4:04 am

Do I bother asking for help when everyone is sad?

Postby smithie » Sat Dec 28, 2019 3:18 am

Hi,

If everyone in life struggles and hates themselves and their lives does it make me an attention seeker to say that I am special and need a professional person to listen to me complaining about how empty my life is and how I have nothing to live for when that is literally everyone else's life and I'm just being a whiny child who can't grow up and take responsibility for my sucky life and solve my own problems. I feel so frustrated I just want to feel happy sometimes, but that seems like a luxury to me. Every student has anxiety and guilt and can't eat or sleep and all students constantly worry about failing, even when we get straight As. We all worry about getting a high paid job to support ourselves and not finding love and living forever alone. So why do I think I'm so important as to think I deserve better? Why do I cry so much when I don't deserve better? Why am I defective? If life is about just surviving and doing work that you hate and finding solace in coming home and watching tv till you go to bed, then why do I want more? Why do I think I deserve friends and family who support me? Why do I think I deserve a partner? Why do I think I deserve to have fun and not feel guilty when I am not studying? Surely everyone wants that, but no one has it. When I go to ask for help about how I am feeling I feel as though I am just being a drama queen and just complaining. It makes me sad to see people who look happy. They have what I can't have, what I don't deserve.

smithie
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2019 4:04 am

Re: Do I bother asking for help when everyone is sad?

Postby smithie » Sun Dec 29, 2019 4:37 am

Hi, Thank you, I've applied to Think Action to be accessed in January before I go back to school. I just don't know how to explain what I feel to them. I can't even explain how I feel here. I've been typing, deleting and retyping for 2 hours now. I don't know how to get out the full picture. Does anyone know at least what I should tell my GP next week? The GP told me to check back last week, but I was afraid to tell him that the medication wasn't working and that I was just wasting his time. I haven't even-handed in the letter he wrote to me for my school in November. I don't know whether to book an appointment on Monday because I really don't feel good and I've started fantasising about hanging myself or poisoning myself with the silica gel balls that came in a package. I just don't want to fail and for my mum to get angry at me for attention-seeking. I also don't want the GP to get angry at me for checking in late, or for coming in when I have nothing new to tell him and wasting his time. It all makes me feel very sick. One of the wellbeing accessors at school told me to go ask the GP who to give the letter to at school, but that seems like I will be wasting the GP's time asking that, but I also don't know who to hand the letter to. I also don't want to tell anyone about me fantasising about killing myself because I'm afraid they will get angry at me for attention-seeking, because I haven't actually tried it yet, but I also don't want them to take it too seriously and section me, because I have assignments to do before I go back to school and I'm behind. I know my family hate me for complaining all the time I don't want to dump me being mentally ill on them as well when my sisters are already more mentally ill than I am and my dad says my mum is paranoid and mum mum says my dad's mentally regressing. I just want to be happy and well, why can't I do that for them, why can't I do anything right in my whole goddamn life?


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