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Lack of... Everthing

For when you're feeling particularly vulnerable...
ljmog
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2019 10:07 pm

Lack of... Everthing

Postby ljmog » Wed Nov 20, 2019 10:15 pm

I dont usually come to forums etc but i think im just getting desperate at this point.

I feel like i dont know how to be a human anymore. I have no emotion other than hate towards myself. I dont know how to be happy. I tried to tell my partner and he has his own issues. He turned what i was feeling into a conversation about his feelings.

I feel like whenever i get brave enough to tell someone how i feel, they tell me its a phase and it will blow over ot they will tell me they feel the same and its part of being human.
I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago and havnt felt this bad in years. Thr last time i felt this bad i attemped to take tablets to end my life.

Im scared im spiralling back to that place.

I think back to my therpay sessions as to why not to do it and all i think now is all the reasons it would be a good idea to end my life. I hate being in this place and cannot find a way out. I hav eno money for councilling as my area charges due to my age and my doctor cant refer me to make it free. I feel like im stuck.

If anyone feels the same or has, please... At this point, let me know what helped or whta may help. Im literally begging at this point for the help i need.

rsxo
Posts: 1245
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Lack of... Everthing

Postby rsxo » Sat Nov 23, 2019 1:11 am

Hey :)

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. It's awful when you talk to people about this and they don't understand, because it can put us off from talking about it in future. But you've come to a good place here, where people understand and relate to what you're going through :)

Are you on medication? If not, perhaps it would be a good idea to go back onto them, or to see your GP for support. It's a shame to hear about the counselling, but there are plenty of charities and organisations that provide these services for free. There's also 7 Cups of Tea, Samaritans and Nightline if you need to talk to someone urgently or get something off your chest.

The important thing to know is that you're not alone. Many of us have been, and some still are, going through what you are, so we know how you feel. And that's why we have this forum - to support one another, come rain or shine! Something that really helped people that I've spoken to that have recovered is finding something in your life that you cherish. It could be a loved one, a pet, a charity you work with, or a life goal etc. But something that you can cling to, something that can give you some hope and motivation when things get bad, and can help you to keep going.

Much love <3
RSxo <3


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