Sorry to hear how you're feeling. It's awful when you talk to people about this and they don't understand, because it can put us off from talking about it in future. But you've come to a good place here, where people understand and relate to what you're going through
Are you on medication? If not, perhaps it would be a good idea to go back onto them, or to see your GP for support. It's a shame to hear about the counselling, but there are plenty of charities and organisations that provide these services for free. There's also 7 Cups of Tea, Samaritans and Nightline if you need to talk to someone urgently or get something off your chest.
The important thing to know is that you're not alone. Many of us have been, and some still are, going through what you are, so we know how you feel. And that's why we have this forum - to support one another, come rain or shine! Something that really helped people that I've spoken to that have recovered is finding something in your life that you cherish. It could be a loved one, a pet, a charity you work with, or a life goal etc. But something that you can cling to, something that can give you some hope and motivation when things get bad, and can help you to keep going.
Much love <3