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New here, been feeling suicidal for a long time, getting worse, but also want to live

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lovelifefreely
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:34 pm

New here, been feeling suicidal for a long time, getting worse, but also want to live

Postby lovelifefreely » Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:18 pm

Hello,

This is my first post here, i have been living with depression for over 20 years, no medication. but lately things are worse daily up and down, can actually see myself killing myself soon if things dont improve. i have a lot of work to do to overcome my past. does anyone have any real advice that works to do with forgiving yourself for years of self abuse, forgiving others and actually moving on?
For real, though not the namby pamby hippy dippy aspect that is basically people thinking they're doing it but basically just suppressing and kidding themselves.

I would appreciate any help and advice offered, cant cope this way anymore.

bonita123
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 6:01 pm

Re: New here, been feeling suicidal for a long time, getting worse, but also want to live

Postby bonita123 » Tue Nov 19, 2019 6:11 pm

Hello

I am in a similar place, I have tried lots of things over the years. The one that works best for me is Trauma Release Exercise, I have done a course, but there are a ton of youtube videos that may help. Also have a look at Wonderbro on youtube

I do tai chi, walking, have counselling, read a ton of self help books, I don't take any medications either, but it may be worth thinking about. If you have trauma based depression, have a look at the books and website of Pete Walker, also Dr Claire Weeks books and audio books on youtube, written in the 1960's but still very popular today. Another great YouTuber with a fantastic book is Douglas Bloch as he went through severe agitated depression.

Also have a look at Elefriends app for some instant support via texting or private message. There is all the usual stuff you may have tried, breathing and grounding exercise, meditation and relaxation videos. I basically live on youtube when I am bad, as it is the one way of finding people who understand. I hope some of this helps.

lovelifefreely
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:34 pm

Re: New here, been feeling suicidal for a long time, getting worse, but also want to live

Postby lovelifefreely » Wed Nov 20, 2019 9:22 am

Hi Guys, thank you very much for your replies, much appreciated, and i will look at some of the things you said, i suppose i struggle with finding the motivation to look after myself in such a way, just feels like too much effort, been thinking about how one gets the motivation to live and improve and progress yourself, ive noticed it seems to be something that some have naturally, they just do this do that, but i find myself struggling to accept living as something viable, whereas others just take it for granted and just live their lives. im sorry if i havent explained that well, but i hope the you get the jist of what i mean. Thank you

rsxo
Posts: 1245
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: New here, been feeling suicidal for a long time, getting worse, but also want to live

Postby rsxo » Sat Nov 23, 2019 1:00 am

Welcome!x

I'd agree with bonita123 - while I appreciate you haven't been on medication for the 20 years you've suffered from this for your personal reasons, I do think it's definitely something to consider. The best results come from a combination of medication, counselling/therapy and personal actions, so I'd recommend seeing a GP to start a course of medication (and counselling/therapy) soon! When I say personal actions, I mean a variety of things - exercise, nutrition, friends and family, fulfiling/meaningful charity or volunteering, meditation, goals etc. The most important thing is that if it was easy to recover from mental illness, services such as counselling and medication wouldn't be there. You don't have to go this alone - support is on hand in so many ways, if you want it (medication, counselling, therapy, Samaritans, MIND, 7 Cups of Tea etc)!.

When it comes to your past, I don't think it's something you overcome, but something you learn to accept has happened, and take forward. The aim is not to forget the past, but to find peace with it. Many times, there will be some things that have happened in the past that we blame ourselves for but seem unable to leave as resolved.

Speaking to others who have gone from severely mentally ill to recovered, they've all mentioned similar things that helped them. Some of the things I've mentioned earlier are key. But also, they mentioned that when things are really tough, taking note of the things that you care for the most, and using that as a marker of motivation. For many parents, it was their kids; for older people, it was their families; for some, it was their partner; for volunteers, it was duty to their charity. In this way, finding something to recover for can help - if you find it difficult to get better for getting better's sake, then focusing on getting better for someone/something can help!x

Much love <3
RSxo <3


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