Something happened today, that actually happens to me very frequently and makes me unreasonably upset.
Am I alone in being prone to being bullied by children? It happens to me repeatedly. They put time and effort into mocking and hating me. It’s irrelevant what I’m wearing, doing or saying, they’ll find an excuse to harass and insult me just for being there. I’m just trying to mind my own business, but they just can’t leave me alone. It’s humiliating for me. Not to mention it brings up the trauma of being bullied as a child - it never stops. I even avoid going going out sometimes because I’m afraid of kids. When I pass a group of kids down the street, I panic and want to hide. What exactly am I supposed to do? Standing up for myself would be bad behavior on my part, talking to them is no use because it’s a joke to them.
I had a horrible childhood. I was not protected by adults, in fact they bullied me as well as neglected me. Now that I’m an adult and need help, the priority is helping and protecting children. I’m supposed to put myself together with very little help and take responsibility when inside, I still feel like a very broken child, in need of help. I know that children are not fully developed and that they’re fragile but I am so sick of this. My self-esteem is zero and I have anger issues, depression and anxiety. I feel ugly, unwanted and hated without abuse and humiliation from kids. They treat me like a monster, just for being there.
I grew up in an abusive household. At school I was bullied by the other kids and I was always alone. I was always so deeply ashamed because my father cut my hair very short just to punish me for being a girl and he made me wear awful clothes. I was skinny, sick-looking and poorly fed, even the older kids laughed at me and looked at me with disgust. I was bullied and called the n-word for having dark eyes and brown, curly hair. Imagine how I feel now, when a group of well-dressed, pretty and well-looking little girls look at me with disgust, laugh, whisper and for the rest of the day, put time and effort out of their lives to make me miserable and unwanted, a mission that’s aready been accomplished without their efforts.
I feel like I’m evil, a monster and a freak and because they’re innocent children, they sense it and therefore feel disgust and hatred towards me. How am I supposed to feel? Had I done what they did, I would have been physically punished at home. How am I supposed to just suck it up?
Why are they doing this? I can’t handle this anymore.