Hi guys, I'm new here so I hope I'm posting in the right forum. Here goes some sort of explanation as to why I need some help and advice, hopefully it makes sense.
I am 20, and have been in NHS mental health services since I was 13, later moving into adult services when I turned 18. I'm an extremely private and untrusting person and therefore I have always found it extremely difficult to open up (to the point where a year of my first or so of therapy sessions were done with no talking, just writing on paper and passing between the psychologist and I) and now after a grand 6/7 years of trying to access help no treatment has realllyyy happened, despite numerous suicide attempts that needed hospital treatment, being unable to work due to severe panic attacks caused by paranoia and anxiety, self harm which used to be multiple times daily and would sometimes end in self poisoning and to top it off, recreational use of cannabis and alcohol, turning into a semi-serious smoking problem and a binge drinking issue. I've tried two types of SSRIs, of which neither have worked, and done some mindfulness which is OK but not exactly always helpful. I've tried free services outside of the NHS but after requesting a different therapist (which they had assured me was OK to do) they never got back to me.
For two years at NHS adult services they REFUSED to let me see a doctor due to my age. The diagnosis' that are being looked at are BPD and ASD which just two people in my life know about, one being my boyfriend who is supportive of me entirely, and my mum who has down right refused to accept they could be (and I hate saying it like this) the labels that describe my issues.
That's a summary of whats going on but in reality, there is so much going on I can't comprehend and I often feel so overwhelmed that I feel encased in a little bubble and all my issues are pressing down on. The only time I don't feel like this is when I'm either overwhelmingly angry, suicidal or happy (the latter being rare but also like mildly manic times but short lived). Frankly, I am angry I have never been heard, and I feel like I have never been taken seriously by any professional and because of that my problems have worsened, especially with self medicating. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to express how I feel without completely loosing control over my emotions but unless I can express then no one will ever take me seriously. I generally cannot live like this for much longer when I have tried to for so long.
I am now finally able to see a doctor, but I need help knowing how to bring forth my problems that NEED addressing, of which there are a lot. I also don't know how to get my mum to co-operate, especially with the potential diagnosis of ASD which has been mentioned as a possible part of me since I was 14, because I need her to communicate with my honestly, on how I was as a child. I'm terrified of my future (or lacking of one) and honestly, all I want to be able to do is live a self sustaining life where I do not need others to help me cope with day to day living, such as daily tasks, holding down a job, etc etc.
Sorry this is long and thanks in advance:(