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Suicidal Because Ugly

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spoonyspoon
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby spoonyspoon » Mon Oct 22, 2018 11:48 pm

upwards-is-the-aim wrote:Look lets say you are ugly - maybe that is true maybe that is not - and at the end of the day there is no fixed definition of beauty or ugly

You come over well on the forum - except you are on a downer about your looks

So maybe it is not looks but aspects of your personality face to face
Maybe you come over as desperate or needy


That's fair, looking desperate is something I'm certainly aware of now, that I was definitely guilty of in my early teenage years. I'm reminded of the old college saying: "If you look hungry, you'll starve." I genuinely feel relaxed around most people, and I certainly don't think I try-too-hard in such situations.

However, when presented with a photo of me, and seemingly every woman online saying "no" based on just the photo, I'm struggling with the idea that the problem is that I think I'm ugly, or that I'm coming across too needy. I don't even get to be needy, as the door is closed on me, if you will.

Sit in a cafe a look at all the couples walking by - are they both beautiful or are there IYHO some ugly ones that have partners

You are a package of things


Oh sure, I'm not pretending no ugly guy has ever landed a girl. I mean, statistically speaking, every single one of my ancestors has gotten laid, right? :lol:

But seeing other people in relationships doesn't help me, because they're not me. Hearing how someone struggled as a teen but is now married to a gorgeous woman does nothing to affect my situation. Even people who I (personally) see as less attractive than myself have done better than me.

How do you get on on dating sites where you show no picture or use a picture of someone else
Or just the back of your head
Okay okay - but do it/something/anything


Interesting point, I have asked, ney, begged friends of mine to use their photos on my profile, to prove to them that I would get more likes/swipes/matches with their face, but my friends were not receptive to this idea. To reverse it, I suggested maybe they downloaded Tinder on their phones, make a profile describing them perfectly, but use photos of me, and try to get dates. I kinda figured it would help them walk a mile in my shoes, if you will, but they also refused to do so.

Register on a USA site and see how the chat goes


I mean, I'm British, so I'm not quite sure what that would achieve.

There are lot of lonely people looking for sort of none dates but chats online etc
Maybe try giving them a go and step back from this I am ugly and no-one wants to be with me and it is all that matters
Just interact

And see how you get on - with less pressure your self to achieve a girlfriend / dating set up


Hey, I literally have no problem making friends, I started doing the meet-ups this year and everyone's friendly, I made friends very quickly, and that's great, but it literally does not help with the problem I have.

maisi
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:29 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby maisi » Tue Oct 23, 2018 1:06 am

Hiya,

It might just be that you feel bad, but aren't ugly (whatever ugly means- every time I've been mad about someone, their features looked perfect to me, it's really subjective). Maybe your reasons for feeling bad might be more painful than blaming your physical features, so it's easier to do that.

It just feels like you're working hard to support a theory, which could mean you'd rather that than something else you feel.

Just a thought x

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Oct 23, 2018 10:59 am

Maybe it is your profile that is wrong

Maybe you can do a better picture - black and white with a half shadow - or high and coming downwards

Different backgrounds - to reflect your interests - outside is different from slumped in a chair - or in a cafe with people behind you etc
You can blur them out

Hey there is a social guy can then become the thought of the person looking

And maybe Tinder is not right - is that not for fast hook ups
Try some of the other ones
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

spoonyspoon
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby spoonyspoon » Wed Oct 24, 2018 12:22 am

upwards-is-the-aim wrote:Maybe it is your profile that is wrong

Maybe you can do a better picture - black and white with a half shadow - or high and coming downwards

Different backgrounds - to reflect your interests - outside is different from slumped in a chair - or in a cafe with people behind you etc
You can blur them out

Hey there is a social guy can then become the thought of the person looking

And maybe Tinder is not right - is that not for fast hook ups
Try some of the other ones


Dude, I tried everything. Selected only the best photos, winning medals for things, social, I made a good mix. Even borrowed my friend's puppy for one photo! Let me tell you, if a photo with a black Labrador puppy can't save you, you need to ask yourself some very serious questions! :lol:

Hey, Tinder is exactly right for what I'm looking for. I've never said I was looking for Mrs. Right. That said, I am on at least 5 others, all with no success.

bluebell123
Posts: 399
Joined: Mon May 02, 2016 9:09 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby bluebell123 » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:57 am

Perhaps its the written profile that is the problem. Could you post what you are saying about yourself so we can give you some feedback.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:37 pm

Do people stare at you as you walk down the street - or even run away - or scream and point

If not then you are probably not ugly but below say Beckham

So give us the profile and lets have a look at what you are saying about yourself

I have never done the online dating lark - never had the bleedin time

But I know what I would say because I would see it as a business process - or a funnel - that you are trying to get them into

What you are trying to do is get the interaction first - and then the date if that is going well
As opposed to trying to start at the end point of the perfect partner

So say very little is what I would do

I do not know what they ask you to put in and fill in - but making some up

Interests: Variable and changing - why not ask me

What Sort of Relationship Looking For - Bit of an online chat and then if that feels right for us both move to phone or skype and then - and if we both want it - so that we can check each other out a bit further - then a simple short meet up in the pub or a cafe. And then lets see how and where we go from there. Maybe nowhere - maybe somewhere.

(I am giving away my secret plan there so I hope if I ever get there the dating sites are not full of people saying that)

And done

Very low barriers to entry for anyone interested - no commitment or feeling trapped if they wink at you - if that is what it is about

I am sure you will have to fill in more fields than that by the rules - but apply the same principal

Age of partner being looked for - put a wide range - 30-40 but happy still outside that range

If you are getting loads of winks or whatever it is that goes on then I would start to filter out the none right ones by upping the bar of what you want and are after

As an example of that extreme, I heard years ago on Radio 4 a woman of clocking ticking away years and who was jewish and want a Jewish husband etc - and decided that she would be very specific of what she was looking for and why - including having children
So as to not be wasting time on pointless dates and relationships
She only needed one - but for her it had to be a specific one

PS If I simply put wanted rich woman looking for someone sociable but skint to take on a cruise or holiday trip - please contact me - do you think I would have any joy and that is a serious question
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Suicidal Because Ugly

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sun Nov 04, 2018 2:43 pm

SPAM GARBAGE

Do us a favour and stop it - this is a forum for people with problems

Mind that said you are probably only a bot

Is there a way to report Spam posts - ah found it and done
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself


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